When we got engaged, we had endless conversations about what we wanted in the marriage. At least that is what I thought at the time. I went on and one about how I wanted a marriage of equals. I wanted a husband who would vacuum, do the laundry, help with the dishes and when we had children he would get up with the child at night. To me, this was a marriage of equals. If we had girls then he would hug them, talk to them, and let them know they were loved. He would help them with their homework, teach them how to be treated by a man, comfort them, and change diapers. He agreed to all of this. At least I thought he did. After years of marriage, what I would come to find out is that when he wants me to think he is agreeing with me but in reality doesn’t agree with me at all, he just shakes his head at me and does his own thing anyway.
When I got pregnant he was so excited he was jumping up and down. He had sympathy morning sickness. When the baby girl was born, he did not hold her except for rarely, refused to let her stay in our room for fear that she would interfere with our sex life, and he refused to get up at night when she cried. He would not take turns taking her at church. I had such a difficult delivery that I couldn’t even walk out of the hospital. He refused to even take one day off work to stay home with me to help me. I couldn’t even walk from the bedroom to the bathroom by myself, but he couldn’t stay home to help me. Each of the following child births would be similar. He never took one single day off work to help me.
I was sick in bed for 5 months with each pregnancy. He wouldn’t help with the laundry, the cooking or cleaning. I couldn’t get out of bed to take care of the kids, but he wouldn’t help with them or the house.
After the 3rd and last child was born, I was so discouraged by his lack of support and care; I moved out of our bed and bedroom and moved into the nursery. I stayed there for well over a two months.