Happiness, you pesky emotion, you

Happiness

A person can read all day long about happiness, how to get it, how to keep it. Funny thing, when I was Mormon, there were so many lessons that told us the only people in the world who are happy, are Mormons. We were told the way to be happy, is to pay tithing to the Mormon church, attend the Mormon church, pray to the Mormon god and attend the Mormon temple.

The thing is, I did all that...the more I did it, the more unhappy I became. I was so confused. Why was I increasingly unhappy when I was doing everything I was told to do?

The answer is quite simple, so simple in fact I'm a bit embarrassed that I could not see it as a Mormon. You see, happiness is generated internally. You can't be happy while sacrificing your identity, you can't be happy while living a life someone else sets up for you, you can't be happy when you are not living your authentic self.

I was told that god reserves happiness for ONLY Mormons. Why would any god do that? Would he/she really with hold happiness from 99% of the world, only to allow access to it to .1%? Percent of Mormons in world

I was told that you can't be happy and angry at the same time, so what do Mormons do? They stuff their emotions down, they are only allowed to express happiness, even though there are a plethora of emotions that we experience everyday.  I have learned that people actually can vacillate between multiple emotions in a short amount of time.

I have been told that to express passion about any given subject, it is the same as being angry. I have been told to stop being angry when all I am doing is expressing passion for a certain subject.  Passion is not allowed, either.

The word compassion has another word embedded in it, PASSION. To be happy, a person can have compassion, passion and happiness results.  It is a world wide emotion, Mormons; and people the world over encompass it.

Mantras to Live By

Here are some mantas that I can live by:

*What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The more life experiences I have, the more I realize that it is people's behaviors that speak for them, and not their words.

*There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn't with you, it is with themselves. ~ Anonymous

I have also learned that people's emotions are also about themselves, not me. There are people who always drive with road rage. (I'm not talking about those of us who get upset with the guy who cuts us off, or drives 20 miles under the speed limit when we are late, it is normal for us to upset by these things. I'm talking about the person who flips off every driver, who roles down his window to yell at any driver, who gets out of his car at red lights to scream at drivers, and even bumps other cars and chases other drivers on a regular bases.) There are people who keep their rage just under their skin; who wait until they are drunk and then yell at the wait staff, or bring up petty arguments with family members, or complain about spilled food on counters and other minor things. They are always pointing out small imperfections of those around them. The never see their own minor imperfections but always those in others and create drama and conflict by pointing them out.

*It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

This is what growing up is all about... plus taking responsibility for yourself. For many women, they are looking for others to save them. This isn't a disney movie. Women need to save themselves. For many men, they are looking for someone to blame. They need to take ownership of their problems. When people have the courage to grow up, they can become who they were meant to be.

*You are not powerless.

Even when the entire universe conspires against you; you still have the choice to think freely. That is the greatest power of all.

*Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, shallow, jealous, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? ~J.K. Rowling

And might I add, violence, war, poverty?

*People don't always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them.

*If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other. ~Mother Theresa

*Do no harm, but take no shit.

*Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Abraham Lincoln

*Most relationships fail because we spend too much time pointing out each other's mistakes and not enough time enjoying each other's company. ~

True dat~

*Girls don't dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked at all times. ~Betty Johnson

No other explanation necessary...

And of course, communication styles:

Walk Away

There are some people who always seem angry

and continuously look for conflict. 

Walk away; the battle they are fighting

isn't with you, it is with 

themselves. ~unknown

Why They Leave?

'You are so angry'
'You are so hateful'
'You will only be happy again when you come back to church'
'You are unhappy because you are sinning'
'You will only be at peace when you leave your sinful life behind and begin attending church again'
'Tithing has natural consequences if you don't pay to the church'

These are all things I have been told when I stopped attending the mormon church. I fundamentally reject all of them. I have never been happier or more at peace since leaving.  I have told many people,

'Good things happen to good people; bad things happen to bad people.
Bad things happen to bad people; bad things happen to good people.
This isn't religion, this is life.'

When I stopped paying tithing, I was so afraid that god was going to reach out and punish me. That didn't happen. I went from working a minimum waged job-part-time job, to a full time job, to a full time job with benefits. I have been able to support my children.  Why? Because I worked damn hard and took extra classes to supplement my education. That is life. God had nothing to do with it. Neither did paying or not paying tithing.

It is easy for people who live their lives by certain values to then judge everyone by those same values. People who pay tithing have been told all their lives that if they pay, they will be blessed. Yet, statistics show that those same people are no more financially well off than those who don't pay tithing. Also, there are more filings for bankruptcies in the state of Utah than any other state.  http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon356.htm

I was told my entire life as a mormon that those who leave, do so for only a few reasons: 'You want to sin'; 'You have been offended'; 'You are too lazy to walk the straight and narrow path'.

There is a new survey that shows these assumptions to be false:
http://whymormonsleave.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/WhyTheyLeave_30Jan2012v4.pdf

Here is an excerpt:


Reasons why People Lose Faith
If you no longer believe that the LDS church is the true church (and once
did), which of the following were factors in your loss of belief:
                                                 Moderate to Strong Factor                         Primary Factor
I lost faith in Joseph Smith                                            81%                        39%
I studied church history and lost my belief                     84%                        39%
I ceased to believe in the church's doctrine/theology       87%                       38%
I lost faith in the Book of Mormon                                 79%                       35%
I re-evaluted what it means to believe/know, and realized
that I never really believed.                                             52%                       18%
I lost confidence in the general authorities                       71%                       18%
Church's stance on homosexuals / Prop 8                       68%                      15%
I did not feel spiritually edified at church                         67%                      15%
Church's stance on women                                            70%                       14%
I became bothered by church culture
 (e.g. conservative politics, etc.)                                     57%                       11%
I lost my faith in God 39% 11%
Church's stance on science-related matters                     64%                         9%
I lost my faith in Jesus                                                   39%                          8%
I lost confidence in my local church leadership                41%                         8%
Church's stance on race issues (blacks, native
  Americans, etc.)                                                            72%                         7%
I did not receive the promised spiritual witness                 37%                         6%
I received a spiritual witness to leave the church and go
  elsewhere                                                                      18%                         5%
I or someone I loved was abused by someone in the church.12%                     3%
I wanted to engage in behaviors viewed as sinful by the
church (e.g. alcohol, extra-marital sex)
                                                                                        8%                         1%
I was offended by someone in the church.                         8%                         1%
Lack of meaningful friendships within the church              13%                         1%

If I Were God

If I were God

If I were God would I...
Make one man suffer for all the wrongs and sins of others?
Create humans in my image then call them unnatural and an enemy to myself?
Create humans in a fallen state when I call them the pinnacle of my creations?
Give them emotions and then say half those emotions are evil?
Give them reason and logic and then tell them to blindly obey?
Kill my creations through floods, earthquakes and tsunami's?
Create disease, birth defects and life long pain and suffering?
Give commandments to only a portion of my people that
are a requirement to return to my presence
thus damming the rest of my creations
to hell for simply being born to the
wrong parents and wrong
country and wrong
century?

Anger

Anger: I was told my entire life in the Mormon church that anger is an evil emotion.  When I began taking college courses I was told that no emotion is good or bad, they just exist.  I needed to reconcile this.  As I began to learn about my inner self, I decided for myself that no emotion is good or bad, it is how we deal with them that matters. Anger can be very motivational to change a particular situation that we may find ourselves in. If we find ourselves in an emotionally abusive marriage, the emotion of anger may be the only impetus to get us out. Anger can be bad if we take it out on others by yelling at them if we had a bad day at work.

I admit that I have been angry. I have been angry that I was told to stay in an emotionally abusive marriage.  I admit that I have been angry that women are treated as less than equal to men in the Mormon religion. I admit that I have had no voice on many other issues. Does this mean that I am less objective on the subject of Mormonism than someone who chooses to stay in the religion?

Absolutely not.  This is like saying that a Toyota salesman is more objective about how dependable his cars are than Consumer Reports (okay so I'm not Consumer Reports, but I have been a Mormon my entire life, and I have checked out objective, non-biased, well researched opinions) and it is important to look at all sides.  I have.

Anger does not make me more biased. My blog is my healthy outlet for my anger, my anger does not make me blind.