The Mission

I served a mission for the LDS church.  It was the beginning of me leaving the church.  The focus was only on baptizing. Each month, a newletter was put out in the mission with all the names of the missionaries and how many baptisms each companion got.  If a companionship baptized 3 or more people, they were invited to the mission president's home for an overnight stay and given an all-you-can-eat steak dinner and allowed to watch movies all night long (movies were forbidden any other time on a mission).

This led to abuse, as the focus was to only baptize people, not retain them.  In fact, we were told repeatedly by the mission president that our focus was to baptize, not retain, and were strongly discouraged from visiting the people after they were baptized.  Most of the people stopped attending church within months of being baptized. Many were baptized the first Sunday they attended church.

There was this thing instituted in my mission called *purging*.  Each month, each missionary met with the mission president and were told to confess each thing they did wrong, no matter how small or trivial.  You see, we had over 300 rules in a white handbook called our white bible.  On top of that, our mission president had given us an additional 200 extra rules.  These rules consisted of what to wear, what time to get up, when to leave the apartment, what to read, what music we could listen to, what we were and were not allowed to do on our day off, what time to be back in the apartment, what time to go to bed, etc.  We were not free to choose anything on a mission. In these *purging* sessions, we were required to tell the mission president any and all rules we had broken over the course of the month. If we slept in an extra 10 minutes; if we took 40 minutes to eat lunch instead of 30 minutes; if we left the apartment 5 minutes late-all was to be confessed.  I refused to do this, as I saw it a violation of my privacy and it seemed voyeuristic.

The only thing NOT regulated by the white bible and the mission presidents addition rules, was gossip. So, the missionaries gossiped---a lot! Once, my companion and I made cookies for a meeting with people who were looking into the church (we called them investigators).  After the meeting, there were some cookies left over, so we gave them to some of the male missionaries (called elders).  It went through the mission that we had invited the elders over to our apartment and made cookies with them. (This would have been strictly forbidden, and we were now the equivalents of sluts.)

At another time, an elder was doing a kiddie dunk (when you baptize a child under the age of 18 without baptizing his parents--a sure sign he will never return to church again) and we all had to wait for this child to have all the discussions (lessons about the church).  I was in the chapel playing the piano.  Several missionaries strolled in to listen to me play.  The rumors went around the mission that I had met privately with one of these elders and was kissing him, etc.  This, of course, got back to the mission president.  He called me, asked me about it (I of course, had no idea what he was talking about), but he didn't believe me and I was punished by being demoted from senior position/companion and sent out to small cities that have no baptisms for the rest of my mission.

None of this made it into my letters home, as they weren't faith promoting.

Here is an article written by a man about his mission:  http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/article-291-16246-lds-missionary-experience-spin.html

The church was about growth in numbers, controlling the missionaries to keep them in line, and it did a great job at both--it just lost me in the process.

Reality or delusion

I had someone tell me all the time, 'My perception is my reality'.  I can't even  begin to tell you how much I hate this; and on so many levels:
1. Perception does not change reality
2. Reality is fixed, accept it or live in your delusion, but don't try and make the rest of us think the two are the same
3. Perception for you does not change reality for me
4. You can live in your delusion, but don't for a minute think I will follow you there
5. I do not have to accept your perception as my reality
6. You can repeat this statement over and over and it still won't make it my reality
7. Telling me that your perception is my reality does not make it so
8. I used to believe that you living in your delusion didn't change reality. I now understand that your perception can indeed change how you perceive reality, thus it can change how you deal with events in your life and effect and even change your life.

In the book, Unbroken, three men are lost at sea in a raft. Terrible things happen to them.  From the start, two of the men optimistic, work for the good of the group, and maintain hope that they will be rescued.  The third man is pessimistic, looks out for his own good and eventually looses hope. Because of each man's perception, their reality is formed and fate is eventually set. The third man does not make it out alive.

Did the men's perception change reality? Not really. They were still lost at sea.  They still had terrible things happen to them.  The two men accepted their fate and thought and worked to survive it. Did their perception of reality help the two survive while leading to the one's death? I now have to admit that is a possibility. Yet, the one who was negative could not change the other two's perception that their situation was hopeless and that they should all give up.

I knew a married couple.  He had the perception that she should stay at home and not work and just take care of him. This was boring, unfulfilling for her and as hard as she tried, she could not accept his perception that this should make her happy and fulfilled.  He refused to engage her in any conversation about what would fulfill her or make her happy.  She eventually divorced him and found happiness and fulfillment.  His perceptions about what should be reality were vastly different than hers.  He could not bend her will to fit his.

Another person had the perception that they could manipulate the people around them to get what they wanted by bullying them, yelling at them, calling them names.  The people around them only became more stubborn in not giving in, began to alienate themselves from this person grew frustrated with this person.  This person's perception that they could get their way through making others accept their idea of reality didn't work for them.

Accepting reality for what it is and embracing it and adapting to it and learning to survive and cope and thrive....or live in denial, in hopelessness in despair, in pain.

I choose reality.  What do you choose?