Box of Crayons

I have come to define what morality is very differently over the last several years.

I have come to view the world like a box of crayons, full of colors instead of just a black and white crayon.

I was raised to believe that every decision was simple; yes/no, right/wrong, black/white, following rules set by religion.

I do not believe this any more.  Making a moral decision any more, is based on treating people with kindness, being happy, making decisions that do not harm others. For example, it is more important that I spend time with my family than serving in a church calling where I am not with my family.

I have made some important life decisions lately that make me very happy. Yet, I am not able to share these decisions with my family.  Why? Because my family will not be happy for me.  If these decisions make me happy, then why won't my family be happy for me?  Because my family makes decisions based on an absolute moral judgement of black/white and right/wrong.  They will judge me, criticize me, condemn me.  

I hope that one day my happiness will be placed above a set of outdated religious rules.  Until then, I will continue to be estranged from those people who are supposed to love me unconditionally.

It's about...time

There will be a BBC interview of Jeffery Holland that will be presented in the USA sometime before November, 2012.  Here is a link to a summary of it:
http://www.cityweekly.net/utah/blog-24-7707-bbc-interview-with-lds-leader-earns-controversy.html

Some of the highlights:
*Holland is asked if Joseph Smith was arrested and convicted. At first Holland says, "I have no idea. When the interviewer says there is an actual court record, Holland backs down and says it is incidental to his character.  By the way, here is the link to that document supporting his arrest and conviction:
http://byulaw.blogspot.com/2005/09/joseph-smiths-arrest-records-found.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzKm7rBhTBQ

*Holland is asked if Romney had covenanted in the temple to slit his throat rather than tell what he learned in the temple.  This did in fact existed in the temple up until 1990 and was then taken out.  Since Romney had in fact gone through the temple before 1990, he would have made these oaths.  When pressed, he attempts to back down.

*The church spokesman, when at first asked about the Strengthening the members committee, at first denied any knowledge about it.  When pressed, said he knew about it, but couldn't give any information about it.  When Holland was asked about it, he said its primary purpose was to protect against polygamy.  Do you know what its primary purpose is?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strengthening_Church_Members_Committee
http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_scmc.html
http://peace-in-paradise.blogspot.com/2012/05/strengthening-church-members-committee.html

*Holland was asked if the church practices shunning. He said he would not shun a child.  All I can say to that is I have several family members who will not speak to me because I am no longer a member of the church.  I am estranged from the rest of them.  My  now ex-husband told me he would not support me when I told him I could no longer attend the mormon church. Seems like shunning to me.

Can the church stand up to scrutiny? Its about time the media asked these hard questions.

Contradictions

Growing up, we were always told contradictory ideas:

1. All knowledge is good and of god vs. fear the internet because some knowledge will lead you away from the church.

2. Teach them correct principles and let them choose for themselves vs. never question church leaders/blindly follow them

3. Men do not carry the stain of Adam eating the apple vs. Eve is to submit to Adam for eating the apple   4. Women are to be equal to men vs. women are to submit to men

5. Man is not punished for Adam's sin vs. all of Cain's descendants and all of Laman and Lemual's descendants were punished for their sins

6. Individual members can seek inspiration from god vs. if church leaders receive inspiration that is contradictory inspiration it trumps whatever the the individual was told by god

7. The church is all about family vs. once you don't believe like us, we will shun you

Not Good for Women VII

Progressive, forward thinking, working women, artists. The mormon ads portray the women in the mormon church as all of these things. Yet, is this really the belief of the leaders and doctrine in the church?

Try on this latest quote:

‎"The most important thing for a woman in this life is to be the wife of a worthy

 priesthood holder and the mother of his children."

"We know that every father can, or should be, an officer in the priesthood,

meaning that he holds the priesthood and presides over his family in 

righteousness."

Boyd K. Packer

Saturday, February 11, 2012http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/worldwide-leadership-training/2012/02/priesthood-power-in-the-home?lang=eng

Note the date.

The man presides OVER his family. Wow. Not the words that translate into equality.

Not the attitude of a progressive church that treats women as equals.

Not Good for Women ~ Part I

Perfection or Unhappiness?

I have said many times that the morg is just not good for women.  I am going to write posts and give specifics as to why I think this way.

Perfection.  Who knows anyone who is perfect? What is perfection?  One person's idea of ideal is different than another person's.  My idea of what is perfect is to spend the day with people who love me, we are laughing and talking. My idea of perfection is the ocean and the beach.

 It is 80 degrees outside, just enough shade to be comfortable.  The waves are lapping in. We can hear the waves and see whales in the distance. There are mountains in the background.  The blue of the water is so intense that the deep blue color of eyes don't even compare.

I can feel the sand between my toes. I squish my feet down into the sand as far as I can.  There is food; Italian, Mexican, hamburgers and french fries. I'm drinking Long Islands, Mai Tai's, and others I can't even name. We are laughing at something that my daughter said.  This moment is perfect. It can last forever and I will be in the essence of happiness. The moment is perfect, the people are not.

Does this fit everyone's idea of perfection? I doubt it; but I'm okay with that. The mormon's idea of perfect is not for perfect moments, but for perfect people. Their idea is for women to have babies for eternity and for men to have many wives and to never laugh too loud.  None of this sounds appealing to me at all. To live a perfect day and to be a perfect person is not the same thing, however. What does it mean to be a perfect person?

For the mormon woman,  it is to not commit any sin; to be married; to have lots of children; to conform to the churches rules-many, many rules; for the women to submit to their husband's decisions; to be the primary caretakers of the children; to attend all your church meetings; to hold a current temple recommend and all that entails; to be a visiting teacher and visit certain families each month and at the beginning of the month; to hold a church calling and do your very best in that calling; to not question any of the church leaders or doctrines.

If a mormon woman does not succeed in any of these areas, she is considered a failure.  It is not okay to acknowledge weakness or failure for a mormon woman.  When mormon women talk, they often criticize the organization and how demanding it is, but they rarely will admit how they feel like they are not meeting up to the expectations demanded of them or how trying to meet these expectations makes them unhappy. Instead, they put on a persona. They pretend they have a perfect marriage, perfect children. They pretend they love the church calling they are serving in, or love all the women they are visiting.  They pretend they are happy conforming and fitting in, even when they are not.  Only occasionally do you see the cracks. When they let down their barriers and show they are indeed human, they will quickly recover and hide again.

This often leads women to hide who they really are. After years of hiding, they lose the essence of who they really are. After years of serving others and putting their needs, wants and desires at the the expense of taking care of everyone else: the husband, the children, the church callings; they lose their own identity. They lose who they are. They don't know what they want in life anymore. They don't know what makes them happy. They don't know how to even allow others to serve them or love them.

They are taught that if they even consider themselves, they are being selfish.  This isn't selfish. This is life. It is okay and even necessary to love yourself; to consider yourself; to have a pedicure or manicure each month. It is okay to work and make money and even spend some of that money on yourself. Some men even like having the burden of making money shared. In this way, female children are taught that all things are equal.  Male children are taught that women are to be respected and are not door mats.  Everyone will be expected to help with the household chores.  It isn't the women's work, it is the families' work.

What I found is that by trying to be something that everyone is not: perfect; it only leads to fakeness, loneliness, unhappiness, isolation and a loss in identity.

No, Virginia, there is no such thing as perfect people.

Not Good for Females

I have repeatedly said that one of the main reasons I left the morg is because it is not a good place for women.

I have given my personal story of how I have been harmed by misogynistic leadership.  I have heard so many women who have shared similar storied to mine.  The pat answer I get back is that *the church is perfect, the leadership is not*. This is so completely lame, it doesn't deem a response. However, since I hear it so often, I will respond.

If the church were indeed receiving guidance from god, then it would not be making poor choices, repeatedly, that harm a large group of people over a long period of time.

If the church were indeed receiving guidance from god, then its leadership would be making choices that were god-like, not human-like.

If the church were indeed receiving guidance from god, then its choices would reflect equality, love and acceptance, not judgement, condemnation and subjugation.

People would not be leaving in droves due to pain and disillusion.

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/52448399-78/moon-church-abuse-report.html.csp

Family, it's about Diversity

Historically, families have provided the social, economic and pro-creative needs of individuals. Families living in close proximity to each other make up larger units in society, such as towns, cities and countries. If this sounds like a 4th grade social science lesson, it is because the Morg seems to have forgotten this basic tenet. They seem to think they have a corner on what constitutes a family. They seem to think families did not exist before the church existed and told people how to be a family.

Family arrangements in the United States have become more diverse with no particular household arrangement representing half of the United States population.^[16]

The chart is from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family

 It shows that there is not one single group that is a majority that constitutes a family style in the USA. Historically, there have been many family types, as well. The patriarchal family, with the man at the head of the family, with the mother staying at home raising the children is a modern concept of what defines a family. It also does not define the majority of family styles in the USA or the world as a whole.

I like to think of the world as a box of crayons. It has many colors. I get to choose any of the crayons in my box to color my world with. When I was a Mormon, I felt like my crayon box was limited to two crayons, black and white. If I chose the black one, I was evil, therefore I was only left with the white. This flies in the face of the concept of free agency where we are supposed to have choice. Do we have choice, or are we forced to choose only one way? I was told that was Satan's plan. Is there only one family choice in the Mormon religion: get married in the temple, raise many children, pay tithing to the Mormon church. Or are there other choices? Can I be a single Mom?  Can someone choose to not have children? Can a gay couple have children? Or is there only one way? Is there there just one way to have a family?

Is my family not a family because it does not fit your mold? No, Mormon church, you do not get to define me. I love my family and it is every bit as valuable to me as your family is to you.