The need for Exclusivity

The women in the Mormon church will never be given the opportunity to be ordained to the priesthood. When it really comes down to it, in order for the priesthood to be something special, exclusive, unique; it must be withheld from a group and given to only another.

In all other Christian religions, only a select few receive the special privilege of being ordained. Even in many religions, such as the Community of Christ church, that ordains women, a person must still seek out ordination then go through years of training to be a clergy.  It is held for only a select few and other religions are able to keep the clergy club selective by requiring years of study in theology, family therapy, etc. before they are called to serve.

The big mistake the Mormon church made was in making their exclusive club open to all males over the age of 13. This provided no foresight for women one day wanting to be let into the club.

There are some major changes the church can make to revamp the system to one of exclusivity while at the same time, allowing women in. Some possibilities include raising the age of the Aaronic priesthood to 18 (historically, the age of 12 wasn't set until 1908, so there is historical precedent to changing the age limit.) historical age of aaronic priesthood

The church can make the ordination to the Melchizedek priesthood a temporary ordination, for example only for those who are called as bishops or other callings, and then when they are released from the calling, they are released from the Melchizedek priesthood, also.

The church can follow the lead of other Christian churches and abolish the lay priesthood and have people ordained who have a degree in theology and counseling.

I'm certain there are other possibilities, these are just a few off the top of my head.  The point is, the church can include women while at the same time keeping the mormon priesthood exclusive. Just my .02

Blog Wars

Over the last several weeks, there has been a blog war over Kate Kelly. The Mormon women have been vocal about all the reasons Kate and other feminists are wrong and the feminists will fire back, point for point. I'm exhausted trying to keep up with all of it. As someone who left the Mormon church in part because I could find no place for me, a woman inside the church, I cannot be exactly objective. As a woman who has suffered from domestic abuse, I have no desire to be objective. I do believe I have a unique perspective and wish my Mormon family and friends would stop the vitriol long enough to listen; drop their defenses and just listen.

Benevolent Sexism

The Mormon church as well as the bloggers have been very clear about the roles that women should play; its written right there for all the world to read in the Proclamation on the Family:  
      By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are   primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. proclamation

The issue then becomes one of Benevolent sexism. Both men and women are guilty of this. This is the belief that women are kinder, gentler, more moral, better nurturers than men and as such deserve to be put on pedestals.  People who believe in benevolent sexism think highly of women, but only as long as women conform to the expectations imposed upon them. Once women step outside the roles expected of them, wrath comes down on them (just like the Mormon women bloggers saying Kate *deserved* to be excommunicated). It reminds me of crabs in a pot, pulling down the crabs who try to climb out.

Notice all the crab legs pulled off by other crabs who tried to climb out? That's how vicious the crabs are; and not too far off from how vicious the women are that are attacking Kate for wanting something so humanly basic as equality.

Benevolent sexism rewards women when they conform and punishes women when they step outside their assigned roles or expectations. benevolent sexism

Stockholm Syndrome

At the same time that I have been processing my experience with domestic abuse (I was strangled by the man who proclaimed his love for me), this movement has been gaining momentum within the Mormon church, called ‘Ordain Women’ to change the all male priesthood within the Mormon church  to include women. As I watch and marvel at this, I also wonder at the war of words. I wonder, why do so many women not only stay in abuse, but defend it?

I have often wondered about my sisters; I have chosen to distance myself from my father as he continues to abuse my mother and my sisters. My sisters stay and take the abuse, calling the abuse such things as ornery, or mean spirited, ass hole, grumpy, crotchety, rather than what it really is…abuse. He was so abusive to the hospital staff at his last stay; they refused to keep him and sent him home before he was well.

Why…why do so many people stay in abuse?  As we look at all the situations mentioned and see if Stockholm syndrome could be an explanation, there must be four conditions at play:

1. There is a perceived threat to the physical or physiological well being of the individual.
As to my sisters, they believe that families are forever, and that the father is the leader of the family and will become a god…therefore showing him the same respect that is due god is paramount to respecting god, no matter how abusive he is. If that respect isn’t shown, their eternal reward is at risk. This is a real physiological threat to their eternal well being.

To the women who wish to have equality within the Mormon church, they stay rather than leave because they believe their eternal salvation is tied to staying. Mormons believe that in order to be together as families in the eternities, they must pay tithing, they must be married in the Mormon temples, they must submit to Mormon authorities. There is no admission into the eternities without these conditions, these are the questions asked to get into the temple, and temple attendance is required in order to make it into Mormon heaven. There is no questioning the leaders within the Mormon church, even if there is contradiction within the self with what the leaders say and do....compliance is paramount to entering heaven.  temple recommend questions

Women who are abused by their significant others are made to believe that their very existence depends on obeying him. He has supreme power over life and death. They are made aware of this every time he beats them, every time he threatens them, every time he rapes them.

2. Small Act of kindness extended interpreted as change:
I see my sisters give my Dad so many excuses, he had a hard childhood, he is softening in his old age, life has been hard on him; they try and minimize his abuse when he is kind to the grandkids but overlook the physical fight he had with his wife the night before where he pushed her to the floor.

The women in the Mormon church do this when they are happy that the church leadership finally allows women to say prayers at the general assembly for the first time in history, or they put pictures of the women leaders next to the male leaders. This is like throwing crumbs to the dogs, yet the women are so happy to have the smallest bit of kindness thrown their way, they can’t see it for what it is; scraps thrown to them to keep them quiet and compliant. No real change and still no equality.

Women who are abused are happy when the abuser doesn't hit them when they are late from work one night and they see this as real change. They are happy when he buys them earrings; but fail to realize this is apology jewelry for the bruise he left on her thigh the night before when he kicked her.

3. The Abuser will isolate the abused from outside help:
My family has done a good job of this with me. I am considered a black sheep, a thorn in their side, and a pebble in their shoe. My brothers have done a great job in making me an example of how others in the family will be treated if they too, leave the Mormon church or exercise their freedom to choose a different path. I have been completely isolated from having any influence on the family. I have been told by my patriarchal brothers to stop writing my blog, as it may have a negative influence on my family.

With the Ordain Women movement, the ex-Mormon community has been vilified so we won’t have any influence over them or the members of the church. We have been called evil, that we are going to outer darkness, that to even wear pants to church will lead to going to hell. In this way, Mormon family will not seek us out when they have concerns about doctrine, women's issues, or when leadership matters come up because we have been deemed untrustworthy.

Women who are abused are isolated from family and friends because the abuser will punish her any time she seeks help or guidance. The beatings will increase any time she confides in family. It is easier on her if she isolates herself from concerned family. The abusers says the family members are interfering and causing problems through their nosiness; so it is easier for the abused to distance themselves rather than be harassed by the abuser.

4. Perceived inability to escape:
With my sisters, there is no way of escape. This is life; this is the way god intended it to be. They are told to ‘Endure to the End’ that life will be better in the eternities; their reward awaits them for their suffering in this life. There is no escaping the pain and sorrow of this life. They are told they chose their pains and sorrows and they should happily endure them to the end of their life. How does a person escape what they are told they chose?

With the women in the Mormon church, they, too feel they must endure to the end. They believe the Mormon church is god’s church, if only misguided temporarily. If they only endure, they will get their reward, a reward that can only come if they stay within the Mormon church. If they leave, they will suffer losing their family in the eternities.

With women who are in domestic violence, they too feel as though there is no escape. With me, J*** made attempts to make me financially dependent on him by talking me into a home I couldn't afford on my own. When I left him after the strangulation, he made me suffer by forcing me to lose the house in foreclosure. I payed a heavy financial price for standing up for myself.  Many women are stay at home Mom’s who have little or no job skills. Many women feel if they leave, he will kill them or take away their children. My ex husband had threatened suicide if I went through with divorce. Depression is common and having the strength to leave is difficult.

The more I have learned, the more frustrated I have become at the institutions that support the perpetuation of Stockholm syndrome and benevolent sexism.

Equality and Apostasy

a·pos·ta·sy

əˈpästəsē/

noun

1. the abandonment or renunciation of a religious or political belief.

Kate Kelly is facing Mormon church discipline for apostasy. The person in the Mormon church who apparently is leading this is William Clayton of the Quorum of the Seventy in the Mormon church.  Here is a quote from a news source, "Clayton reportedly said that public advocacy of ordination is an act of apostasy."  apostasy

What I find interesting, is for Kate to be accused of apostasy for espousing a belief that women should be ordained to the priesthood, there needs to first be a doctrine against women having the priesthood.

I have read the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants, which makes up the doctrines of the Mormon church. In neither book does it state that women cannot seek equality or ordination to the priesthood. I would like to know what the movement, Ordain Women are apostatizing against. 

Where in Mormon church doctrine does is specifically state that women cannot be ordained to the priesthood? 

I want to know specifically what they are being accused of? If they are being accused of apostasy, where does church doctrine state they they cannot seek equality?

Ordain Women; finally

This weekend, as hundreds of women were denied entrance to the all male priesthood session of the Mormon general conference; a group of friends and I were discussing whether women should be ordained to this all-male club.  Photos of Ordain Women

 All the women agreed that they wished they could have blessed their babies. It was also unanymous that the vast majority of roles given to men with the priesthood are administrative. So we took a look at these roles to determine what part of the male anatomy was necessary to fulfill them.

*Passing the sacrament: even 12 year old boys are able fulfill this role with little effort, so it was decided that all women could easily break the bread, fill water cups and pass the sacrament. Since we offer prayers in our homes on a regular basis, then offering the sacrament prayers is not too overwhelming for us. No extra male gender roles necessary here.

*Budgeting/Money management: We do this on a regular basis in our homes and in our jobs. Accounting, money management, maintaining the finances do not require male gender-specific skills.

*Scouts: Women do a fair amount of this anyway. The women run the cub scouts in most wards. No special DNA required here.

*Bishops: These men preside over meetings, make decisions about callings, hold private meetings with individuals, couples and families. These men are not trained as family counselors. They hold private interviews with children as young as 12 and ask them about their sexuality, among other things. They ask women about their garments, or underwear.

Are there tasks that are not administrative? Yes, I will put them into two categories, non-saving ordinances and saving ordinances:

*Blessing babies: About a month after a baby is blessed, the father and other males take the newborn child in front of the church congregation, hold the baby and pronounce a blessing on the child. A child does not need this blessing to be saved in the LDS church. Women are not allowed to perform this. Women aren't even allowed to hold their newborns while they are being blessed.

*Blessings: A blessing to heal the sick or a blessing of comfort are given to people. Again, there is no saving ordinance attached to this and in fact, these blessings were regularly performed by women in the early history of the church and has since been denied women to participate in.

*Prayer: Until recently, women were denied the opportunity to pray in General Conference and even 10 years ago, many wards denied women the opportunity to pray in sacrament, or would only allow women to pray to open a meeting and not to close the meeting.

*Baptisms: Considered a saving ordinance.

*Confirmation: This is where men officially give the holy ghost as a guide to members of the mormon church and they are confirmed a member of the mormon church. This is considered a saving ordinance.

*Temple ordinances: In the temple, there are washings and anointings and although these are considered a saving ordinance, women are allowed to perform them.

There you have it, the list of all things priesthood. There are only two things on this list that women are not currently or in the past not been allowed to do, either within the church or in the world; that is baptize and confirm.  Do these two things require male appendages or male gender to fulfill? I've racked my brain and cannot think of anything that requires maleness to do these things.

As we discussed this list, it became even more apparent how silly it is to deny women equal access.

Motherhood and fatherhood are similar. There is no sexual body parts or gender that is necessary for any of the requirements in the priesthood.