Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Divorce Sucks, Move On

I didn’t want a divorce. I avoided it. I went to marriage counseling for 3 years to save a hopeless marriage just to avoid divorce. It was inevitable, the divorce. Once it was obvious that there was no hope, I accepted it. I grieved for the loss of the marriage, for the loss of hope, for failure.

He did not get over it. From appearances it looked as if he had- he got married 5 months after we divorced. Yet for the last three years he has sued me to lower child support, to not pay a portion of child support, has attempted to take my house away from me; has refused to sell the house that he and I owned together that the divorce decree stated must be sold; is attempting to take my car away from me. This is not the actions of someone who is moving on but the actions of someone who is bitter and angry and bent on making me pay for leaving a very unhappy marriage.

We just weren’t compatible with each other. I wanted a marriage of equals and an emotionally connected partner; he wanted a wife of submission and a caretaker of his needs. There was no way of compromising between our two viewpoints. I could not see that when we were married. I can see that now.

The silly marriage counselor thought our marriage could be saved. Why? Because the husband showed up on time to appointments. What? What does that have to do with anything? There was no saving that marriage. I am at peace with not being able to save it. The ex is not. He is still obsessing over minor details such as to how much money was spent on a bed frame when we were married. The sad part is, the more energy he puts into seeking revenge against me, the less energy he is putting into his current marriage. I hope he finds his peace some day.

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