Spectrums

A spectrum is any entity that has common elements, but vary in their features.  Light waves exist on a spectrum, as do sound waves.

Some social features also exist on spectrums.  Autism is one of these. People with Autism have similar characteristics, but vary in how these features present themselves. For example, they all have difficulty communicating, but one person can have verbal skills that look like any other person's verbal skills, but they have difficulty expressing themselves when they are frustrated, angry or confused. Another person may have no verbal skills at all.

Many skills or social issues present themselves along spectrums. Sexuality for many people is thought of as a black and white issue, but for scientists, it is along a spectrum. People may fantasize about the opposite sex, or be bi-sexual, gay, androgynous, or an Aphrodite. Healthy spectrums include a variety of sexual origins and not just two.

Attachment is another issue along the spectrum.  When we are children, we are very attached to our parents and family of origin, but a healthy child will grow up and detach from them. If a healthy detachment is made, there will still be a connection there (provided that the family of origin is not too dysfunctional) but the adult will be able to forge their own way in life without the family of origin continuing to control finances, relationships, emotions or other similar issues.

The adult child should make decisions on their own, free of interference. If advice is needed, the adult child should feel comfortable seeking advice, but if the advice is rejected a healthy family of origin will not feel rejected.  If an adult child is too detached,  it is often due being shunned because they chose a different religion, a different career or other choices the family of origin didn't agree with or because the family of origin was dysfunctional and the adult child is distancing themselves in order to make healthier choices. If the family of origin attempts to control the adult child through money, emotions or relationships, then a healthy detachment is more difficult to make.

When in relationships, spending time together is also along a spectrum.  Before being in a relationship, people have their own friends. Many couples are able to maintain those friendships, but some couples enmesh so completely, they lose the connection they have with their former friends. Having separate activities and friendships outside of being a couple is also along a continuum. It is often healthier for the relationship to maintain other interests and friendships. It gives the couple something to talk about when they are together, it helps build trust when they trust each other to spend time with others. Too much time with others may lead to neglecting the relationship and the one or both of the couple may feel neglected.

People will often learn throughout their lifetimes. Some people are not open to new ideas. Some people put up defenses to new experiences, new ideas. Some people are open to change, others are rigid and resist change.

Emotions are neutral, they are neither good or bad. Emotions tell help us interpret experiences and aid us in bonding with people and animals. The emotions of guilt and shame help us to know when we have done something to hurt another person or animal, for instance. When we have brought harm to someone, we feel guilt or shame.  These emotions can be manipulated by others, however, and taken to the extreme where we feel guilty or shame for minor things, such as kissing, holding hands, or saying silly things. On the other end of the spectrum, someone who doesn't feel any guilt or shame when they hurt someone is known as a sociopath.


How about you? Where are you along the spectrums?

Closed System

Everyone has a need to belong, its part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.  When we belong to any social group, be it a family or an organization, we can often make rational decisions about how we think or feel within that system.  An open system allows for logic, reason, and the sharing of emotions.  A closed system does does not allow for dissent or expression of the individual.
http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/dbmormon.htm

There are 7 stages to a closed system and the emotions attached.

Stage 1: A question is asked to a presented problem, but no real answers are given. The result is anxiety.
If a person is looking to buy a home, they research; look at many options, ask lots of questions, bring in an appraiser, and feel satisfied they are getting what they are paying for.  For many people this doesn't happen, however.  A person has a loss, such as the loss of a child; and they feel vulnerable. In step the missionaries who give them hope. There is no real investigation into all religions or beliefs.

Stage 2: The agreement. The resulting emotion is ambiguity.  This is also known as the Yes-But 
*A person's patriarch blessing says they will get married and have lots of children. They can't conceive. They are told they will have children in the life here-after.
*A person is told if the pay tithing they will be blessed.  They struggle financially.  They are told their blessings are not of the material kind.
*A person develops cancer and receives a blessing that they will be healed.  They continue to deteriorate.  They are told they need to have more faith.
*A person is told if they wear their garments they will be protected.  They are injured in a car accident.  They are told the injuries would have been worse if they hadn't been wearing their garments.
*A person prays to have a testimony. They do not receive a burning in their bossom. They are told they need to pray more and have more faith.

When there is no direct answers, the result is
Stage 3: Identity Crisis. The resulting emotion is confusion and ambiguity.
... in order to become worthy, eventually, you must take an oath that all you own, including yourself, belongs to the Church; this is the hidden part of the meat of the original contract. Once received, the Church promises to give back to you, as a gift, that which you had formerly owned ... if you become worthy ... at some point in the unknown future.

This is a crucial stage; it is the wedge that opens the door to a the final voluntary loss of Identity. It begins with an insertion into the agreement of a "But."  http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/2stage3.htm

 Stage 4: The Double-bind. The resulting emotions are guilt and fear.
A promise was made back in stage one, but instead of being fulfilled, in stages two and three, a BUT was put in its place.  Now there is an excuse for not receiving the promise.  The burden is now put on the individual for not receiving the promise. They are made to feel guilty for not doing what they are supposed to do for not receiving the promise.  They are made to feel fear if they do not hold up some end of a bargain to eternity to gain the promise.

This is the double bind; damned if you do and damned if you don't.
*IF you received a burning in your bosom, you now have to work to remain worthy of that; IF you don't work to retain that you will lose your reward and be damned.
  IF you didn't receive the burning in your bosom, you don't have enough faith.

*IF you have sex before marriage, you are violating your body.
 IF you don't have sex, you are evil, since you are commanded to have children.

*IF you speak of the temple oaths, you will be damned
  IF you don't speak of them, are silenced by guilt and fear and are going against yourself.

*IF you educate yourself as a woman, as the D&C says, you are increasing in intelligence
 IF you educate yourself as a woman, you are violating the counsel to only be a wife and mother

Boyd P. Packer said that reason is the enemy of God, and a state of war has been declared against it. He says, "In an effort to be objective, impartial, and scholarly, a writer or a teacher may unwittingly be giving equal time to the adversary... In the Church we are not neutral. We are one-sided. There is a war going on, and we are engaged in it." (From his talk: Do not spread disease germs!) The Closed System is "one-sided" (only non-brain faith is allowed). On the one hand, it turns its back on reason, the Open System; on the other hand, it claims "reason" in "lip service." The dual personality in Mormonism is the "Yes," reason, "But," at the same time, it is "non-reason."  http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/stage4.htm

Stage 5: Denial. The resulting emotion is Humiliation.
There is no more individuality, only the body of the organization.  There is no more unique thought, only the group think.  There is no more questioning or critical thought. There is only silence, obedience and denial.  Words like, 'paradise, new world order, Zion, the Elite, sacred not secret' are used.

But the leaders are only the man behind the curtain, pretending the something that they are not.  There is a Zig to the Zag.

The Zig: The organization is family oriented. The Zag: If you leave the organization, then you leave the family behind, and you will lose your family forever.

The Zig: People feel they have a place to fit in when they join.  The Zag: People who don't belong are ostracized and there's a feeling of elitism within the ranks of those within.

The Zig: The glory of god is intelligenge.  The Zag: Don't look outside official sources for knowledge, they may be evil.

The Zig: faith is the essence. The Zag: Obedience above all else.

Stage 6: Accusation; we can never be good forever, so when we fail, it leads to the emotions of guilt and shame.

In other Christian religions, they believe that Jesus' grace covers sin; works do not get us into heaven.  When it is our works that get us into heaven, it is up to us, the YES-BUT
When we fail to fully live up to the BUT part, the result is guilt and shame.  It just isn't possible to do all that is asked.

There is a bait and switch.  We are taught one thing in the church, (the bait) then an entirely different thing in the temple (the switch). Here is how one person presents it:  "The first time I personally ever had doubts was when I went to the temple for the first time in the l980s. The whole concept of the temple was a great thing I thought at the time. Here I could be sealed to my family forever. Here I could help others who never had a chance to receive "ordinances" necessary for salvation receive them. When I actually went through to get my own endowment however, I was horrified by what went on, but I didn't say anything--similar to many Mormons. Not only was there nothing spiritual about the experience, the way the endowment is presented smells of cultism. You are instructed early on in the endowment that you can withdrawal rather than go through the ceremony. Of course no one withdrawals because you have no idea what is going to happen, you have your family and friends all sitting around you, and nothing has happened yet to incline anyone to withdrawal. The next thing you know, you have taken a series of vows in unison with everyone else which hardly resemble anything you normally do in your LDS experience. Before 1990, you also had extreme penalties or "bloody oaths" associated with the violation of any of these vows." 
Post #12   http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/stage6.htm

Stage 7: Punishment. The resulting emotion is subjection/compulsion.

If a member feels the compulsion to leave the group, the result will be shaming that member by telling them they have sinned, they will never know happiness, they will not be a part of the group.

Abandonment, depression, suicide for not conforming are common.

Stage 8: Voluntary Union: Love/Hate is the resulting emotions.

If acceptance of the group is the result, the brain washing is the result and a person loses their individuality for good.

Stage 9: Cannibalism. The resulting emotion is suicide.

This is the most real quote: "The LDS church claims to be led by men of God. They are supposed to receive direct revelation from Him. Yet this is a church that turns away from the needs of both its men and its women, a church that will not acknowledge the child abuse/incest that goes on between some of its members--abuse that destroys children and steals their childhood, that creates wounds they carry the rest of their lives. Women in the church--some women, by no means all--are just as scarred and scared, just as abused. Yet those in authority will not deal with these issues. Nor will they deal with women who feel it extremely unfair that they are still to be "subservient" to their husbands, that they are not equal to their husbands, not even in the eyes of the LDS God. Mormonism is a patriarchy. For some, this is an acceptable way to live. For others, it's a torture chamber. Their treatment of homosexuals seeking help is appalling. While I am not gay, I was involved with a gay member of the church, and the hell he was put through--even as he begged for help--was appalling. Instead of self-acceptance for EVERY member, the church teaches conditional love ... To claim that it's God's will that people be hurt this way is emotionally, mentally and spiritually abusive."

Post #69 See: Stages 2-3, 4, 5. #69.   http://www.exmormon.org/pattern/stage9.htm

Fear and shame and guilt are no way to run an organization.

Love and acceptance and an open system.