Lives of Mediocrity?

I have friends who have left the mormon church who stay up on all things mormon. I'm glad they do, since I have no desire to. Because of their diligence, I actually read an Ensign article this month. President Monson is the one given credit for this piece that makes people like me cringe.

Cringe

I would like to tell my mormon family and friends why this article and ones like it make me and others who have left the mormon church cringe.

1. A quote from the Ensign article, "the need to rescue our brothers and sisters who have, for one reason or another, strayed from the path of Church activity 

Mr. Monson then goes on to ask what mormon member's responsibility is to *rescue* us. First, the mormon church believes very strongly in free agency, and as such, those us who have used our free agency to leave the mormon church do not want our agency infringed upon by having people attempt to force or influence us back into an organization we no longer wish to be a part of. We left of our own free will. We studied our way out, we anguished our way out. Please do not minimize our agency or our choice by thinking you can pray us back in, or love bomb us back in.

2. "There are, of course, others who need rescue. Some struggle with sin while others wander in fear or apathy or ignorance. "

 I can assure my mormon family and friends that this is false. Profoundly false. We do not struggle with sin. We have completely redefined our world so we no longer define our world the same way you do. The definition of sin is this, 'A wilful violation of a religious principle'  dictionary  We no longer believe in the same religious principles that you do. Where we once believed that drinking coffee was a sin, we no longer do. Where we once believed that taking our garments off was a sin, we no longer do. We are not sinning, we have just stopped believing in the same religious principles that you do.

Just as we do not believe in the Hindu religion, and therefore we do not believe it a violation to eat beef, we do not believe in the mormon religion and we therefore do not believe it a violation to  drink coffee, tea or alcohol. Just as we do not believe in the Muslin religion, and therefore we do not believe it a violation to cover our hair, we do not believe it a violation to wear tank tops, bikinis, or shorts.

Although we understand that you believe there is only one true church, we no longer believe this. We understand you see us as lost and wandering in fear, apathy or ignorance, but we do not see ourselves as this. What we see is that we have opened our minds to new paths, new ways of thinking, new ways of seeing the world. We see now that we were rigid in our understanding and beliefs and we are now free to choose new paths and views and read things that were closed to us before. We feel a sense of freedom that we didn't feel before. We understand now how chained and closed off our minds were.

3. Mr. Monson then quotes a letter from a man who desires to come back to church. Why does Mr. Monson make the assumption that all people who leave are exactly like this man? One anecdotal experience does not translate to all of us. We are not reaching out to the church, to church leaders, or to our family. We want to be left alone. We have made this perfectly clear. We do NOT want to be called to repentance, we do NOT want to be love bombed, we do NOT want conference talks mailed to us, emailed to us or posted to facebook. We do NOT want the missionaries sent to our door or to us on facebook. We want our agency respected.

4. Mr. Monson then makes an analogy between those of us who have willingly left the church and a picture of a man in a boat trying to get back to his family on shore. First of all, we are not lost, we chose to leave a controlling institution that we do not believe in. If we are at sea, this is modern times where we have modern navigational tools at our disposal, including GPS, compasses, radar, sonar and a good captain would plot out his trip and know what kind of weather he may run into. In fact, there are so many modern navigational tools available to boat captains, that most light houses are not used anymore. We have NOT left our families and we do NOT love them less. Please stop implying that our families are left behind. We left the church, not our loved ones.

5. "The less active can’t long rest content with mediocrity once they see that excellence is within their reach."

 Really? Those of us who have left are living lives of mediocrity? Is that really what you think of us? We are mediocre and you are excellent? This attitude of superiority is a big part of why we left...do you not see that? You view yourselves as superior to everyone else in the world. Why would anyone really be drawn to you and your church when you look down on everyone who isn't a part of you. Do you really not get it? You sit on your Rameumptom and preach how great you are, and don't understand you are not better than us or the rest of the world. Get over yourselves.

Please understand that there is no one right path. The path we have freely chosen is where we are happy, where we choose to be, where we are free to be us.

 Do not put any more barriers between you and us by attempting to rescue us, seeing us as sinners, frail, weak, lost, mediocre, apathetic, full of fear, or ignorant.

A Letter to fMh

A Letter to fMh

Dear fMh,

I have been following your public stand to fight for equality within the Mormon church over the last few years. I applaud you and your efforts. I support the, 'Wear Pants to Church' day; the 'Let Women Pray in Conference' and the 'Ordain Women'.  While I was still a member, these are all causes I believed in and these are all causes I believe women within the church should have in order to be considered equal partakers with the men.

Each week, I would get together with my Mormon girlfriends and we would talk about these things. We would talk about polygamy and how it bothered us that we were told that we would accept it once we were in the Celestial Kingdom. We would talk about our Mother in Heaven and how we knew nothing about her and felt shamed in church by wanting to have her as an equal part in the discussions with Heavenly Father. We would talk about how we wanted to hold our babies when they were blessed. We would talk about how we wanted the last say over callings in Relief Society or Young Women's or Primary, rather than the men dictating all that to us. We would talk about how we wanted a say over our budgets, and so much more. Yet, every Sunday when we walked across the threshold of the church, our discussions would come to a halt because we knew our voices would not be heard and that complete obedience and compliance was expected.

My crisis of faith became so intense, I began to drag my family around to every ward in the area, thinking that the issues I was having was just within the wards and if I found the right ward, I would be content. After several months of this, I realized how large my crisis of faith really was and I announced to my family that I wanted to attend another Christian faith. My very faithful and patriarchy husband announced that he would not follow me there.

As my crisis grew I talked with the area president and thought he understood, but then my husband talked with him and then a meeting was called with my husband, the bishop, the stake president and the area president all in attendance. I was told that I would be able to tell them about my crisis of faith. As I began, the area president cut me off, told me that this was serving nobody and that all I needed to do was submit to the bishop and my husband.

I was shocked, I just looked at him and said, 'No.' I got up and left the room. This was the beginning of the end for me. I walked away from the church, no longer wanting to be affiliated with a misogynistic organization. I knew the consequences would be great. My marriage dissolved in divorce. My Mormon friends no longer associate with me. My relationship with my extended Mormon family is strained. Yet, I feel a sense of freedom that I could not have anticipated. As a woman, I have discovered that the world does not treat me as a child that cannot make decisions on my own about finances, who I can have as my friends, my own sexuality, what I can and cannot drink, who can be my friends.

I have learned to grow up and make my own decisions and be my own boss. I no longer report to men about my sexual habits, my finances, my church attendance, or what I choose to put in my body.  I learned that it is not their business and I am free to choose for myself and therefore I also own the consequences and I do not report to anyone except myself. This is true freedom and happiness.

I have learned that the church didn't care about my whining, either. Just like the male patriarchy felt they had a right to surround me with four men in suits in my own home and minimize me by telling me my thoughts and feelings didn't matter, the only thing that mattered was submitting to their will, the church patriarchy doesn't care about your causes, either, feminist Mormon housewives. The church is ran by males in power who surround themselves with YES men. They are in charge of billions of dollars. Why would they listen to some women who want change? They have all the power and money and they see no reason to change. You can form all the petitions you want, have all the protests you want, and the church may throw you a bone every once in awhile, like having one while woman pray in one general conference every six months, but real change won't happen. Why?

Because the leadership must be motivated to change. What would motivate them? Only two things:
1. Money
2. Attendance

As long as the women in the church put together their petitions, no real change will happen. Why? Because the women in the church continue to pay tithing and tithing is the backbone that makes the church run. Without the money coming in, the church cannot build its church buildings, its temples, or its City Creek Malls.

As long as the women in the church continue to attend church each week and serve in their callings, the church isn't going to listen to a word you have to say. Why? Because the women in the church are the backbone of making sure the church runs day-to-day. Without the women serving in their callings, no ward would ever have a meal served at an activity, no funeral would ever get food, no bread would ever show up to sacrament meeting, no music would get sung, the Primary would come to a halt, the young women would not get taught, Sunday school would be harmed and there would be no Relief Society. Without you, women, the church could not function. Each ward also get money based on attendance, and if women didn't show up, each ward's budget would be harmed.

Do you want to make an impact, women? Go on strike. For one month, do not pay tithing, do not show up to church, do not fulfill your church callings. Send your children with your husbands.  Let your husbands deal with the unruly children during sacrament. Let the men pick up the load in young women and Sunday school. Let the men scrounge around for bread when it doesn't show up for sacrament.

Strike, women.  If you really want to affect change, STRIKE.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

God=Church

God is in charge. God is good. God is omnipotent. Unless you're a Mormon.Then the church is in charge. The church is good. The church is omnipotent.

When a person attends protestant churches, they will learn that they can pray and call upon god directly, that there is no intermediary between them and god. Yet in the mormon church, the church receives inspiration, the leaders give forgiveness for certain sins, and the church expects complete obedience.How is this possible? There are several ways that the mormon church has replaced made itself equal with god.

1. Within the mormon church, Joseph Smith is worshiped as a god: Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah! Jesus anointed that Prophet and Seer. Blessed to open the last dispensation, Kings shall extol him, and nations revere.
Praise to his memory, he died as a martyr; Honored and blest be his ever great name! Long shall his blood, which was shed by assassins, Stain Illinois* while the earth lauds his fame.
Great is his glory and endless his priesthood. Ever and ever the keys he will hold. Faithful and true, he will enter his kingdom, Crowned in the midst of the prophets of old.
Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven; Earth must atone for the blood of that man. Wake up the world for the conflict of justice. Millions shall know "brother Joseph" again.
Chorus:
Hail to the Prophet, ascended to heaven! Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain. Mingling with Gods, he can plan for his brethren; Death cannot conquer the hero again. --William W. Phelps
Then there is this quote: “If we get our salvation, we shall have to pass by Joseph Smith; if we enter our glory, it will be through the authority he has received. We cannot get around him.” -1988 Melchizedek Priesthood Study Guide, p. 142, Apostle George Q. Cannon

This book is an indication of the mindset of the Mormon church...that following the church leaders is what matters, NOT following Jesus or God.

2. The church demands blind obedience to its leaders: President Wilford Woodruff stated: “I say to Israel, The Lord will never permit me or any other man who stands as president of the Church to lead you astray. It is not in the program. It is not in the mind of God.” (The Discourses of Wilford Woodruff)
or this: President Marion G. Romney tells of this incident which happened to him:
I remember years ago when I was a Bishop I had President [Heber J.] Grant talk to our ward. After the meeting I drove him home. . . .Standing by me, he put his arm over my shoulder and said: “My boy, you always keep your eye on the President of the Church, and if he ever tells you to do anything, and it is wrong, and you do it, the Lord will bless you for it.” Then with a twinkle in his eye, he said, “But you don’t need to worry. The Lord will never let his mouthpiece lead the people astray.” [In Conference Report, October 1960, p. 78]
Many times, as I have discussed the fact the Joseph Smith practices polygamy as well as polyandry, many mormons, to reconcile this, they have said that Joseph Smith was human and subject to human frailties and weaknesses, yet according to the scriptures, “Thou shalt give heed unto all his words and commandments which he shall give unto you” (D&C 21:4; italics added).
Brigham Young had this to say, “I have never yet preached a sermon and sent it out to the children of men, that they may not call scripture” (Journal of Discourses), 26 vols all words of profits scripture

3. When People attend the temple, they make covenants, but they don't covenant with god, they covenant with the church.
this is the law of consecration: The Law of Consecration: You and each of you covenant and promise before God, angels, and these witnesses at this altar, that you do accept the Law of Consecration as contained in the Doctrine and Covenants, in that you do consecrate yourselves, your time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed you, or with which he may bless you, to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the building up of the Kingdom of God on the earth and for the establishment of Zion.

4. When People stand up in church and testify, they don't testify of god, but of the church. they say, 'I know the church is true.' They don't say, 'I believe in god.'

5. For the last several years, the church has had all of its lessons in relief society and priesthood focus on the presidents of the church. The lessons focus of the current leaders in the church rather than Jesus or god. In fact, Ezra Taft Benson said that the prophet's word overrides even the scriptures themselves focus on leaders not god
Joseph Smith and Brigham Young had this to say on scriptures being less important than the word of current prophets, “You have got the word of God before you here in the Bible, Book of Mormon, and Doctrine and Covenants; you have the written word of God, and you who give revelations should give revelations according to those books, as what is written in those books is the word of God. We should confine ourselves to them.” When he concluded, Brother Joseph turned to Brother Brigham Young and said, “Brother Brigham, I want you to take the stand and tell us your views with regard to the living oracles and the written word of God.” Brother Brigham took the stand, and he took the Bible, and laid it down; and he took the Book of Mormon, and laid it down; and he took the Book of Doctrine and Covenants, and laid it down before him, and he said: “There is the written word of God to us, concerning the work of God from the beginning of the world, almost, to our day. And now,” said he, “when compared with the living oracles those books are nothing to me; those books do not convey the word of God direct to us now, as do the words of a Prophet or a man bearing the Holy Priesthood in our day and generation. I would rather have the living oracles than all the writing in the books.” profit over scripture

6. Each Easter and Christmas, the church does not teach special Sunday lessons focusing on Christ. Instead it follows the lesson plans and teaches lessons on the prophets and the church.
I have been having a discussion with a friend who remains a mormon, and she cannot comprehend how I can remain a good person at the same time I have left the mormon church. When someone leaves the Baptist church, for example, their fellow church members wish them well on their journey and do not consider them apostates or anti-. So what is the difference? I believe it is this; that the mormon church has usurped the role of god and replaced it with the role of the church. In the mind of the mormon, when one leaves the church, they have abandoned morality and reason that a person ties to god.

Why is this important? Because of autonomy. A person has intuition, inspiration. A person has the right to self determination, but that is usurped when the church takes over the role of god.
The role of the church should be to teach about god, not to be worshiped as an entity of itself, not to be divine in and of itself. Yet, in the eye of the members of the mormon church, that is what the church has become.

Mantras to Live By

Here are some mantas that I can live by:

*What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The more life experiences I have, the more I realize that it is people's behaviors that speak for them, and not their words.

*There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn't with you, it is with themselves. ~ Anonymous

I have also learned that people's emotions are also about themselves, not me. There are people who always drive with road rage. (I'm not talking about those of us who get upset with the guy who cuts us off, or drives 20 miles under the speed limit when we are late, it is normal for us to upset by these things. I'm talking about the person who flips off every driver, who roles down his window to yell at any driver, who gets out of his car at red lights to scream at drivers, and even bumps other cars and chases other drivers on a regular bases.) There are people who keep their rage just under their skin; who wait until they are drunk and then yell at the wait staff, or bring up petty arguments with family members, or complain about spilled food on counters and other minor things. They are always pointing out small imperfections of those around them. The never see their own minor imperfections but always those in others and create drama and conflict by pointing them out.

*It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

This is what growing up is all about... plus taking responsibility for yourself. For many women, they are looking for others to save them. This isn't a disney movie. Women need to save themselves. For many men, they are looking for someone to blame. They need to take ownership of their problems. When people have the courage to grow up, they can become who they were meant to be.

*You are not powerless.

Even when the entire universe conspires against you; you still have the choice to think freely. That is the greatest power of all.

*Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, shallow, jealous, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? ~J.K. Rowling

And might I add, violence, war, poverty?

*People don't always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them.

*If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other. ~Mother Theresa

*Do no harm, but take no shit.

*Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Abraham Lincoln

*Most relationships fail because we spend too much time pointing out each other's mistakes and not enough time enjoying each other's company. ~

True dat~

*Girls don't dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked at all times. ~Betty Johnson

No other explanation necessary...

And of course, communication styles:

Accountablility

I attended the Unitarian Univeralist Church today. I have only attended a few times, as it has taken me many years to overcome my apprehension of attending any worship service since leaving the Mormon religion.  I must admit I really feel a sense of belonging here, I enjoy the fact that they include heathens such as myself who do not pray to a god; they accept gays, lesbians, transgenders. They do not pray, but instead have a moment of meditation. This all appeals to me. I did attend several churches when I left Mormonism, but I could not feel at ease.

Today, the topic of discussion was about their sister church in Romania. They spoke about how they made the beginning introductions, how at first it was difficult to communicate with the language barrier.  But with time, they have been able to get translators.  They spoke about how they made mistakes along the way. At first, the UU church here donated money for a tractor, and even with oversight of the money, the money disappeared and when an accounting for the money was demanded, the minister committed suicide. It was discovered that he was was an alcoholic and the entire story was so very sad.

A lesson was learned, and a part of the lesson learned was that love, friendship and strong ties need to be shared, along with donating money.  With stronger ties shared and more oversight and stronger accounting of the funds, the money donated has been used for its intended purposes.  Many trips have been made, some of the members from Romania have visited here, and some members here have gone and visited Romania on a yearly basis.

A scholarship fund has been set up to help send the youth to university.  What a wonderful way to make church donations work; to send youth to college, to pay for tractors to aid a community in farming and to help build a local community house.

This is how donation funds should be spent.  I loved to hear about the strong accountability of the funds, not only in Romania, but also here. All money donated is 100% accountable to the congregations.  There is no secrecy about how much is given or how it is spent.  There is no need to have trust or blind faith in any leaders. All is known and accountable to those who donate.

When I hear Mormons justify the secrecy of how tithing funds are spent, I wonder how they can feel comfortable about that. There is such a contradiction in what they say. On one hand they say that to question their leaders is to not have faith, and on the other hand they say the church is true, the leaders aren't.  How can they put such trust in people who they acknowledge make mistakes?

There was accountability within the UU church, and still the minister was able to squander away $2,000 for his personal gain.  As I watch the Mormon church build a multi-billion dollar mall with its business branch, why aren't the members asking how the church built a business branch to begin with, anyway?

  Why does an organization that is supposed to be charitable have a business that they started out of tithing funds, since all moneys gained began with tithing?  Why does it not use its billions of dollars to build water wells in Africa or safe housing in Haiti instead of Malls? How does the Mormon church justify this, and how do the members justify this? The Mormon church just laid off 8% of its Publishing Department, yet it spent billions investing in the City Creek Mall. Layoffs

Why aren't its members allowed to ask these questions? In the UU church, when the $2,000 disappeared, the members were allowed to ask these questions and get answers, as well as put in place better safeguards to prevent this from happening again.

To me, the building of a multi-billion dollar mall by a charitable organization is the epitome of mismanagement of funds.

If I were donating several hundred or thousand dollars a year to an organization, I would want open accountability. The Romanian words for accounting and accountability are the same.  It makes me wonder how much better off the members would be if they meant the same within the LDS church.

More

More obedience
More sacrifice
More devotion
More perfection
More kids

Less money
Less time
Less patience
Less happiness
Less sex

More anxiety
More depression
More migraines
More suffering
More conflict

Less quality
Less commitment
Less tithing
Less attendance
Less devotion

More conformity
More dissonance
More denial
More contradictions
More abuse

Less acceptance
Less authenticity
Less reality
Less voice
Less boundaries

More anger
More blinders
More walls
More delusion
More submitting

Less collaboration
Less equality
Less passion
Less power
Less respect

More meditation
More pondering
More truth
More thinking
More searching

Less subjugating
Less blame
Less controlling
Less conditioning
Less pressure

More peace
More time
More money
More love
More happiness

Less Fear
Less guilt
Less pressure
Less repression
Less shame

More color
More voice
More communication
More wisdom
More....Me

Fallacy: Separate but Equal

I have many regrets. One of the biggest is that I bought into the Morg's idea of separate but equal. I am an advocate for women, yet when that church taught that women should be treated differently than men it didn't mean they were not equal to men, but separate. They separate women from men in the temple, in church.

 In the temple they make the women bow their heads and promise to obey their husbands. In the temple they make the women pull a veil over their faces to cover their faces before they can say a prayer to god. They teach that women should be separated out in the home by doing women's work of raising the children, cleaning the home and not working with men in the world. http://lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,FF.html . They begin this separation at the age of 12.They have the teen boys going out on hiking trips, water skiing, camping, basketball, taking trips out of state. They have cooking classes for the girls, they teach them how to be a good babysitter, they have service projects where they clean the nursery toys. I have even heard of one where they took the 16 and 14 year old girls to a bridal shop and had them try on wedding dresses! They teach that only women can fulfill the  role of nurturer and they are not suited to working in the world.  It goes even further since men are given the priesthood where they are allowed authority over other men and all women.  Even a 12 year old boy has more authority in the mormon church than any woman has.

Women in the mormon church are not even allowed to hold their babies when they are blessed. These blessings are not even a saving ordinance.  Women are not allowed to hold positions of authority over men, to rise  to a position of bishop, etc.

This idea of separate but equal was tried with race. This country had separate places on buses, separate drinking fountains, separate cafes for blacks. This idea was ruled unconstitutional. The Morg fought against the women's rights movement in the 70's. The Morg poured lots of money into this idea in California in Proposition 8 in fighting gay marriage. That idea will also lose. You cannot treat a select class of people as separate and then claim they are equal.

Equal means they have the same access to opportunities, money, authority and rights. If these are being withheld in any form, then this set of people are being discriminated against. This is the definition of discrimination. It is a fallacy that any group of people can be treated as separate yet be equal. The Morg treats women and many other groups as less than equal to white men.

Please consider signing the following:http://whatwomenknow.org/

Responsibility

Five years into my marriage, our checking account was continually overdrawn. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get a handle on it. For months, this went on. I finally did an in-depth analysis of our checking account. It turned out that there were consistent withdrawals from my husband’s ATM card every few days. These withdrawals were for $20, $40, $60. It was throwing our balance off, and since it wasn’t in the budget or accounted for, it was overdrawing our account.

I waited for the dinner to be done, the dishes to be cleaned, my child to be in bed to talk to him about it and find a solution. I approached the subject like it was our problem and our solution. When it became apparent to him that he was the one causing the problem, however, he became irritated and yelled at me and told me that it was my problem and I alone was to find a solution and he stormed out of the room. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t sit down and discuss this as an adult with me; that he would put the entire burden and blame on me! I cried. It took a few weeks, but I did come up with a solution on my own. I came up with the idea of a slush fund. I gave him a cash fund for him to spend each month and I got a slush fund each month. We were not accountable to each other for this money—we could spend it on anything we wanted. Then we had a mutual slush fund we would spend on eating out/movies, etc.

This worked well; until I discovered he was cheating the system. Each time he filled his car up with gas; he would not pay at the pump, but go inside and pay and get extra cash. This became the norm for the marriage. He would never discuss any issue in the marriage. He blamed me for everything. Every issue was mine to solve on my own. He cheated the system at every chance he got.

Recently he took our daughter on vacation. While on vacation, he took her to the water park. He did not put sunscreen on her. She came home with a terrible sunburn. I was horrified and sent him a text asking him how he could be so irresponsible. He texted me back, blaming me. How was it possibly my fault? I had bought her the season pass to the water park for her birthday! He will never change; no matter how far he has to stretch his imagination, he will find some way to blame me for his mistakes and his failures.