Mantras to Live By

Here are some mantas that I can live by:

*What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The more life experiences I have, the more I realize that it is people's behaviors that speak for them, and not their words.

*There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn't with you, it is with themselves. ~ Anonymous

I have also learned that people's emotions are also about themselves, not me. There are people who always drive with road rage. (I'm not talking about those of us who get upset with the guy who cuts us off, or drives 20 miles under the speed limit when we are late, it is normal for us to upset by these things. I'm talking about the person who flips off every driver, who roles down his window to yell at any driver, who gets out of his car at red lights to scream at drivers, and even bumps other cars and chases other drivers on a regular bases.) There are people who keep their rage just under their skin; who wait until they are drunk and then yell at the wait staff, or bring up petty arguments with family members, or complain about spilled food on counters and other minor things. They are always pointing out small imperfections of those around them. The never see their own minor imperfections but always those in others and create drama and conflict by pointing them out.

*It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

This is what growing up is all about... plus taking responsibility for yourself. For many women, they are looking for others to save them. This isn't a disney movie. Women need to save themselves. For many men, they are looking for someone to blame. They need to take ownership of their problems. When people have the courage to grow up, they can become who they were meant to be.

*You are not powerless.

Even when the entire universe conspires against you; you still have the choice to think freely. That is the greatest power of all.

*Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, shallow, jealous, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? ~J.K. Rowling

And might I add, violence, war, poverty?

*People don't always need advice. Sometimes all they really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them.

*If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other. ~Mother Theresa

*Do no harm, but take no shit.

*Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Abraham Lincoln

*Most relationships fail because we spend too much time pointing out each other's mistakes and not enough time enjoying each other's company. ~

True dat~

*Girls don't dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked at all times. ~Betty Johnson

No other explanation necessary...

And of course, communication styles:

Contradictions

I have been on a quest of self improvement lately. What has made it difficult, however, are the contradictions.  People live by these mantras, yet I cannot wrap my head around which ones to follow, since they contradict what others also swear by or they don't ring true to me.

Here goes:
*Everything will be okay, if it's not okay, its not the end.--unknown
*When a child starves to death in India, it is the end for them, and it is not okay. When a person dies from a murder, why is that end okay? Is the end always the end of a life? Why is the end always defined by turning out well?

*Over thinking ruins you.--Zen
*What does under thinking do? How does a person know where along the continuum they are between over- and under thinking? Is there a scientific process for figuring out when a person has over thought? I do believe that ruminating on problems or worrying is not healthy and a person is does better to learn to take action in their life and make decisions. Often, even if a decision turns out to not be the best course, the course can be changed easier when momentum is reached rather than having no momentum at all, but thinking is also important and should not be discounted.

*A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor.
*A calm sea provides time to learn navigation skills, how to operate the sails, to rest, to plan, to learn, to prepare, to eat, etc. Without calm seas, a person cannot be prepared for the rough seas.  Why doesn't anyone write quotes about how important the calm is?

*You attract what you are, emotionally healthy people attract emotionally healthy people.
*If this were true, then all the emotionally healthy people would be living in one part of the world, and all the emotionally unhealthy people would be living separately.  Sociopaths and narcissists are CEO's, politicians, clergy, as well as murderers; healthy people are in relationships with all of them. They are very good at blending in to society, of fooling people, and imitating the most normal behaviors. Sociopaths  are very charming, excellent liars, they seek a conventional appearance, they have an emotional need to justify their crimes, therefore they seek admiration, love and respect. All people in all aspects of life come in contact with them and are in business with them, are brothers or sisters with them, parents with them, or married to them. It is impossible to avoid a relationship with a narcissist or sociopath at some point in your lifetime.

I think it is more important that a person educate themselves on unhealthy personality types and when they find themselves in relationships with these types, they get away from them. That people learn red flags, learn to listen to their intuition and follow it about people, rather than believe that they will only attract a certain type of people to them.

This is what I believe:
*When someone is nasty or treats you poorly, don't take it personally. It says nothing about you but a lot about them.

*Forgive and forget; forgive 70 times 7, turn the other cheek.
*This implies a person must continue to take abuse. I fundamentally disagree with this. If you are in an abusive relationship, get out. Walk away. Being a doormat is the opposite of loving yourself. I recently found this article and although it speaks to children of abusive parents, it applies to all abusive relationships. You have the right to walk away, you owe it to yourself to walk away. Abuse is not acceptable.  Abuse and Forgiveness

*You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
*Really? When I was a kid, toilet papered my high school, what I supposed to be there?  The child starving to death in India is supposed to be there?  Seriously, don't say stupid shit.