Thursday, January 13, 2011


I was raped. This was many years ago. I do not carry the pain or the stigma attached to it anymore.  I am speaking out now for a number of reasons.  One reason is because I have resigned my membership in the mormon church.

When I was raped I went to my bishop for healing and help and understanding.  What I got instead was punishment.  I was disfellowshipped from the mormon church.  Why?  Because of a book by spencer w. kimball called, 'the miracle of forgiveness'.  (I refuse to capitalize his name, the name of the church, or the name of the book because I refuse to give any respectability to any of them.)  I have a first addition of this book.  It was used by bishops as a reference in disciplining members of the church who had committed sin. This is a quote from page 63, '...Your virtue is worth more than your life.  Please, young folk, preserve your virtue even if you lose your lives.  do not tamper with sin... do not permit yourselves to be led into temptation....Realizing that chastity is of more value than anything else in all the world.'

Because I did not fight back to the losing of my life, I was held responsible for my rape.  This is misogynistic and reprehensible.  To expect a woman to lose her life in the commission of a crime is outrageous.  If my house was on fire and I survived, would I be held responsible for my house burning down because I didn't burn with it? If I was burglarized and didn't fight for the loss of my purse, would I be held accountable for the loss of my belongings?  This is backward thinking.  Yet this is the thought processes of the leadership of the mormon church.

I am speaking out now to save others the pain that I have suffered.
I am speaking out now because I have a voice.
I am speaking out now because I can.
It is better to survive rape that to be killed by it.
I am a survivor of rape and happy to be alive.
I am alive and proud of it.
I will not be silenced!


jen said...


I wish I had more words, or better words, or smarter words... I'm sorry for what you've been through, and I'm grateful you are talking (writing) today.

I HATE the world that blames the victims. I HATE it!!

...Mostly I want to scream, and fight, and yell at your bishop and I want him (and others like him) to see how stupid this way of thinking is...

Donna Banta said...

What jen said -- plus more thank you's for having the courage to speak out. Wonderful blog too.