Boundaries

The Mormon church encourages the loosening of boundaries. Home teachers ask personal questions that are none of their business, visiting teachers ask questions that are none of their business. Temple questions ask if you are having sex with someone, if you are paying a full 10% tithe, if you are keeping the word of wisdom. These are all things that in Protestant religions are only between an individual and their god; not between an individual, their bishop, their HT, their VT, the relief society president and the entire ward  council.

When my marriage was obviously falling apart, I kept it completely to myself, I just couldn't share any details with anyone; I didn't know how; I didn't know what to share; I didn't know what went wrong other than I was deeply unhappy and frustrated and had been for the entire marriage. The husband, however, did share. He went to the bishop. The bishop shared with the RS president. She showed up at my door-unannounced and uninvited, demanding to know what I had done wrong to ruin my marriage. I did not know her and I had no intention of sharing with this woman who would then share with the bishop and then share with god knows who else and the husband who I could not trust. I sent her away with no information. She was angry with me. She said I was responsible for the break-up of my marriage (what did she know?). I received a call from the bishop telling me it was my duty to verbally throw-up on her (my words). I told him they were social voyeurs and no way in hell was I going to share personal and intimate details with people I didn't know and trust and I didn't owe them anything.

Later, during my last separation, I had a VT repeatedly come into my house and snoop.  She would go through the cupboards in my bathroom (I could hear the cupboard doors banging-she wasn't even quiet about it). Then when she would leave the bathroom she would then go through my kitchen cupboards while I watched; she would just open them up and go through them. On later visits, she would bend over and look under my couch-what she thought she would find, I don't know-- I had a few dust bunnies; by this time, I had had enough and told her to leave. I eventually confronted her and accused her snooping for the estranged husband and/or bishop and told her to never come back.

 By the time I was divorced, I no longer attended the Mormon church but one of my children attended the weekly activities and I continued to allow the HTers to come by for awhile. I had a HT tell me I was neglecting my children's spiritual well being because I was not taking them to the Mormon church (I take them to another Christian church, but that is not good enough in their eyes) and I had another HT tell my that because I have only girls I must have an emotional household. These are all things that are none of anybodies business, but Mormon people make it their business and they pass judgement and criticize.  The result is that you never feel good enough or loved, you feel in a no-win situation no matter what.

At one point, I was financially struggling. The Mormon church offered to help. In other Christian churches, they just help anyone who just asks for help; not in the Mormon church. I had to take in a copy of all my finances, the bishop went over every item and I had to justify each and every expense as being necessary. Then the RS Pres.  came to my house and went through my kitchen cupboards and snooped (why? I'm not sure, I think to make sure the food they gave me was what I needed) she made a list of the things I needed and I was then only given the things necessary and not anything more. I was then only allowed a two weeks supply and to get more food, I had to go through the same qualifying process again.

Then there are the Bishops interviews. Gotta love those. A woman sits in a room alone with a middle-aged man, he then asks very personal questions that makes you feel very uncomfortable. When I was a teen, I didn't even know the definition of what I was being asked; what was fornication, petting, heavy petting, necking, and why did I have to answer these embarrassing questions to this man? Even after I was married, I was asked if I was indulging in porn.

 My 14 year old daughter was asked if she was having anal sex (The boys are asked if they masturbate). When she told me this, I finally put a stop to this and wrote a letter to the current bishop stating that he would not have any personal interviews with my daughters without me present. If a school teacher or principal asked a student these questions, they would be sued and/or fired; so how the Mormon church is continuing to get away with this, what I consider a form of sexual abuse, is beyond me.

In the Mormon church, it is acceptable to have these boundaries crossed. In real life this is not acceptable. I like living in real life.