Saturday, March 2, 2013


I have been on a quest of self improvement lately. What has made it difficult, however, are the contradictions.  People live by these mantras, yet I cannot wrap my head around which ones to follow, since they contradict what others also swear by or they don't ring true to me.

Here goes:
*Everything will be okay, if it's not okay, its not the end.--unknown
*When a child starves to death in India, it is the end for them, and it is not okay. When a person dies from a murder, why is that end okay? Is the end always the end of a life? Why is the end always defined by turning out well?

*Over thinking ruins you.--Zen
*What does under thinking do? How does a person know where along the continuum they are between over- and under thinking? Is there a scientific process for figuring out when a person has over thought? I do believe that ruminating on problems or worrying is not healthy and a person is does better to learn to take action in their life and make decisions. Often, even if a decision turns out to not be the best course, the course can be changed easier when momentum is reached rather than having no momentum at all, but thinking is also important and should not be discounted.

*A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor.
*A calm sea provides time to learn navigation skills, how to operate the sails, to rest, to plan, to learn, to prepare, to eat, etc. Without calm seas, a person cannot be prepared for the rough seas.  Why doesn't anyone write quotes about how important the calm is?

*You attract what you are, emotionally healthy people attract emotionally healthy people.
*If this were true, then all the emotionally healthy people would be living in one part of the world, and all the emotionally unhealthy people would be living separately.  Sociopaths and narcissists are CEO's, politicians, clergy, as well as murderers; healthy people are in relationships with all of them. They are very good at blending in to society, of fooling people, and imitating the most normal behaviors. Sociopaths  are very charming, excellent liars, they seek a conventional appearance, they have an emotional need to justify their crimes, therefore they seek admiration, love and respect. All people in all aspects of life come in contact with them and are in business with them, are brothers or sisters with them, parents with them, or married to them. It is impossible to avoid a relationship with a narcissist or sociopath at some point in your lifetime.

I think it is more important that a person educate themselves on unhealthy personality types and when they find themselves in relationships with these types, they get away from them. That people learn red flags, learn to listen to their intuition and follow it about people, rather than believe that they will only attract a certain type of people to them.

This is what I believe:
*When someone is nasty or treats you poorly, don't take it personally. It says nothing about you but a lot about them.

*Forgive and forget; forgive 70 times 7, turn the other cheek.
*This implies a person must continue to take abuse. I fundamentally disagree with this. If you are in an abusive relationship, get out. Walk away. Being a doormat is the opposite of loving yourself. I recently found this article and although it speaks to children of abusive parents, it applies to all abusive relationships. You have the right to walk away, you owe it to yourself to walk away. Abuse is not acceptable.  Abuse and Forgiveness

*You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
*Really? When I was a kid, toilet papered my high school, what I supposed to be there?  The child starving to death in India is supposed to be there?  Seriously, don't say stupid shit.

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