I've written blogs before about how, as a member of the TSCC, we were all emotionally stunted. But I had an epiphany today. One way it kept us emotionally stunted was by fighting over god's attention. In the church, you aren't saved by grace, but by works.
You have to bake bread, do a church calling (forced volunteer work within the church), visit other sisters (visiting teaching), have lots of children, keep a clean house, submit to the husband. But this really isn't enough. To show how really perfect a person is, they have to serve in a leadership position such as a relief society president or a bishop. It is really considered a failure if a person doesn't ever get a position like this. It isn't enough to just do your visiting, you are looked down on if you do it on the last day of the month. If all you ever do is a nursery leader (work with the children 2 and under) then you are really pitied.
It's not good enough to be good; it's not good enough to be perfect; the people in the church have to be more perfect that everyone else, in order to garner god's attention.
How can people grow, learn to love unconditionally, when they are expending so much energy competing for attention? How can they really serve others when all they are attempting to do is promote themselves? How can they outgrow egocentricity if they are consumed with their own selves?
How sad is that? Is god that petty? That jealous of a god? That he only pays attention to, and rewards those who serve in the most prestigious places? That he will only reward those who not only serve him, but in the most prominent ways?
When I stopped trying to be perfect, I could be good; and good is enough.