In 1987, president benson talked to the members of the mormon church and said these words:
- In the eternal family, God established that fathers are to preside in the home. Fathers are to provide, to love, to teach, and to direct.
But a mother's role is also God-ordained. Mothers are to conceive, to nourish, to love, and to train. So declare the revelations....
opportunity and responsibility of wives is "to multiply and replenish the earth...and to fulfill the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds.
- Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children....The Lord clearly defined the roles of mothers and fathers in providing for and rearing a righteous posterity....Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance.... This is the divine right of a wife and mother. She cares for and nourishes her children at home. Her husband earns the living for the family.... the counsel of the Church has always been for mothers to spend their full time in the home in rearing and caring for their children. http://fc.byu.edu/jpages/ee/w_etb87.htm
Has this dated, 1950's view of the family changed? Let's look at the counsel given in 2008:
By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness
and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. http://lds.org/Static%20Files/PDF/Manuals/TheFamily_AProclamationToTheWorld_35538_eng.pdf
What if this one-size-fits-all-mold doesn't fit everyone? What about these scenarios:
1. A woman has the need, desire and drive to have a career
2. The family finances dictate two incomes
3. The father desires to stay home and the mother is capable of making more income
4. A woman, who has never had the opportunity to get married, desires to have a child
5. Gays
6. A couple, who are traumatized by divorced parents, desire to be in a relationship, but to not sign on the legal paperwork and make it legal (marriage)
7. A couple who does not desire children; who wants to postpone children until they are firmly established in a career or education or feel emotionally ready and prepared
7. A couple who does not desire children; who wants to postpone children until they are firmly established in a career or education or feel emotionally ready and prepared
Of course, these scenarios are out of the round holes the church insists everyone fit into, thus they do not allow any varying for those of us who are the square pegs. Here is a quote from the church's hand book for women who would desire a child, but are not married:
Artificial Insemination
The Church strongly discourages artificial insemination using semen from anyone but the husband. However, this is a personal matter that ultimately must be left to the judgment of the husband and wife. Responsibility for the decision rests solely upon them.
Artificial insemination of single sisters is not approved. Single sisters who deliberately refuse to follow the counsel of Church leaders in this matter are subject to Church discipline
The Church strongly discourages artificial insemination using semen from anyone but the husband. However, this is a personal matter that ultimately must be left to the judgment of the husband and wife. Responsibility for the decision rests solely upon them.
Artificial insemination of single sisters is not approved. Single sisters who deliberately refuse to follow the counsel of Church leaders in this matter are subject to Church discipline
There is no varying, no flexibility, no kindness, no compassion for people who do not fit the mold the church has designed and said all people must fit into. Even when research shows there is more than one way, that it is good for women to work; they are not flexible and will not accommodate any other view.
There are some people within who are able to be cafeteria mormons (they can pick and choose those doctrines they want to conform to and follow, much like a person would pick and choose what to eat in a buffet line). They are the ones who seem to be able to look at these things say, 'eh, whatever; I'm going to church and doing my own thing.' Then there are people like me who are all in or all out. We aren't black and white thinkers, but we are very ethical. If we are going to live certain principles, we are going to do it all the way.
We feel we are violating our own ethical codes; if we say we are going to follow an ethical code we will follow it, but we aren't only going to follow it when it suits us. We are the ones who have left the church because the church is not willing to accommodate our free thinking.
The box did not fit, so we broke out of the box.
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