Not Good Enough
Have you ever had someone in your life, that no matter how hard you tried, you were never good enough for them? You clean the kitchen, but they will find that one crumb you left behind. You pay the bills, but they will notice that you didn't balance the last week's worth of bills. You mow the lawn, but they point out you forgot to weed the flower bed. No matter how good you are, they will always point out the one thing you miss, the one error you made. You always feel like a failure around them.
This is how many people, including myself, always felt in the mormon church. We felt like we could never measure up. If we did our visiting teaching, we weren't doing it good enough because we waited till the last day to do it. If we did our church calling, we didn't put enough time into it. We didn't wear the right dress to church, we let our kids cry in church. We complained when our husbands were gone all day on Sunday instead of spending time with us. It was always something we were failing at. Square peg in a round hole.
How would it be, then to be a gay teenager in the mormon church? To be told that the feelings you are having are wrong, sinful, going to keep you out of heaven? Always trying to suppress, but never really being able to?
How would it be, to be molested by a priesthood holder and then be told by the bishop that you need to forgive him because he is the man-priesthood and not seek legal redress? Always trying to suppress, but never really being able to?
How would it be, to feel you want to not have children or get married, but feeling the need to, because you are told that the only way to be happy is to have children and be married? Always trying to suppress, buy never really being able to?
How would it be, to feel your only way out, is to commit suicide?
I don't think I can take any more of my friends trying to kill themselves because they are rejected, because they have been told their entire lives they are not good enough just the way they are.
Can we please just love each other the way we are?