Saturday, September 3, 2011

Is there good in divorce?

I have been divorced a number of years. I am over the pain and anger. When I read articles like the one I just read, I do not get angry, but I worry about people who believe it and decide to stay rather than find sanctuary in divorce, like I did.

Leaving an abusive marriage is the single best decision I made.  I would occasionally tell a friend how unhappy I was in my marriage. I would not tell everything, just enough to let it be known my marriage was failing.  Inevitably the advice I received back then was that I needed to submit more, love more, sacrifice more for my man.

I would take this advice to heart, only to be more miserable, more unhappy, more unfulfilled.  I would forgive, I would love, I would turn the other cheek. None of the common advice works when the spouse is determined to abuse. This I have learned by sad experience: often the best choice is to leave; sooner than later.

This is some of the worst advice EVER! Please, people before you give lame advice, make sure you know all the circumstances.  Make sure you know if the person is being abused. Please avoid judging and condemning.

Sometimes, it is better to leave than to stay.

Worst ever:

1 comment:

jen said...

AGREED!!! Worse advice ever!
All that being nicer, kinder, more submissive, more servicy, more giving, etc. does is tell the abuser, "It's okay to abuse me, and in fact the more you abuse me, the better I will treat you."

I don't believe anyone goes through a divorce because it's the "easy" option. Divorce was hard. It hurt. Sad. Scary. Lonely. And the best decision I could have ever made.