Thursday, June 23, 2011


"You can't change what you don't acknowledge"-- Dr. Phil

As I often heard him say this and as I have thought on this over the last few weeks of my life; I have new found meaning for this.  I was dating someone, someone who lied to me; someone who cheated on me.  This person also cheated on his first wife, married the person he was having an affair with within 6 months of getting a divorce. Of course, that second marriage didn't last, as it was not built on trust or mutual respect.

This person has never acknowledged cheating on his first wife. He is not acknowledging that he cheated on me.  You can't change a behavior that you don't acknowledge. He will likely repeat this behavior in the future.

Can people change?  Are people bound to repeat past behaviors?  I believe people can change. I have changed many things about me, but it requires taking simple steps.

*Be insightful into your own behaviors and motives behind those behaviors
*Acknowledge that your behavior has harmed you and others
*Apologize to those you have harmed
*Put an action plan together to change your behavior (this may take seeking professional help)
*Put boundaries in place to never repeat the behavior

On another one of my blog posts, I put a link to an article about why men cheat.  The main conclusion of this article was that men cheat because they have low self esteem. They feel better about themselves when they have many women telling them they are great, or many women to have sex with.  This is a false sense of self, since it is external, and fades, diminishes as the women go away, get bored or disillusioned.

A true sense of self worth comes from within, or is internal.  When a person loves themself, accepts themself, then they stop looking for the false identity that comes from the external gratifications.  When a person can completely love themself, faults and all, then they will be content in a monogamous relationship.  They no longer need to feel gratified from having several women lusting after them.

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