Lives of Mediocrity?

I have friends who have left the mormon church who stay up on all things mormon. I'm glad they do, since I have no desire to. Because of their diligence, I actually read an Ensign article this month. President Monson is the one given credit for this piece that makes people like me cringe.

Cringe

I would like to tell my mormon family and friends why this article and ones like it make me and others who have left the mormon church cringe.

1. A quote from the Ensign article, "the need to rescue our brothers and sisters who have, for one reason or another, strayed from the path of Church activity 

Mr. Monson then goes on to ask what mormon member's responsibility is to *rescue* us. First, the mormon church believes very strongly in free agency, and as such, those us who have used our free agency to leave the mormon church do not want our agency infringed upon by having people attempt to force or influence us back into an organization we no longer wish to be a part of. We left of our own free will. We studied our way out, we anguished our way out. Please do not minimize our agency or our choice by thinking you can pray us back in, or love bomb us back in.

2. "There are, of course, others who need rescue. Some struggle with sin while others wander in fear or apathy or ignorance. "

 I can assure my mormon family and friends that this is false. Profoundly false. We do not struggle with sin. We have completely redefined our world so we no longer define our world the same way you do. The definition of sin is this, 'A wilful violation of a religious principle'  dictionary  We no longer believe in the same religious principles that you do. Where we once believed that drinking coffee was a sin, we no longer do. Where we once believed that taking our garments off was a sin, we no longer do. We are not sinning, we have just stopped believing in the same religious principles that you do.

Just as we do not believe in the Hindu religion, and therefore we do not believe it a violation to eat beef, we do not believe in the mormon religion and we therefore do not believe it a violation to  drink coffee, tea or alcohol. Just as we do not believe in the Muslin religion, and therefore we do not believe it a violation to cover our hair, we do not believe it a violation to wear tank tops, bikinis, or shorts.

Although we understand that you believe there is only one true church, we no longer believe this. We understand you see us as lost and wandering in fear, apathy or ignorance, but we do not see ourselves as this. What we see is that we have opened our minds to new paths, new ways of thinking, new ways of seeing the world. We see now that we were rigid in our understanding and beliefs and we are now free to choose new paths and views and read things that were closed to us before. We feel a sense of freedom that we didn't feel before. We understand now how chained and closed off our minds were.

3. Mr. Monson then quotes a letter from a man who desires to come back to church. Why does Mr. Monson make the assumption that all people who leave are exactly like this man? One anecdotal experience does not translate to all of us. We are not reaching out to the church, to church leaders, or to our family. We want to be left alone. We have made this perfectly clear. We do NOT want to be called to repentance, we do NOT want to be love bombed, we do NOT want conference talks mailed to us, emailed to us or posted to facebook. We do NOT want the missionaries sent to our door or to us on facebook. We want our agency respected.

4. Mr. Monson then makes an analogy between those of us who have willingly left the church and a picture of a man in a boat trying to get back to his family on shore. First of all, we are not lost, we chose to leave a controlling institution that we do not believe in. If we are at sea, this is modern times where we have modern navigational tools at our disposal, including GPS, compasses, radar, sonar and a good captain would plot out his trip and know what kind of weather he may run into. In fact, there are so many modern navigational tools available to boat captains, that most light houses are not used anymore. We have NOT left our families and we do NOT love them less. Please stop implying that our families are left behind. We left the church, not our loved ones.

5. "The less active can’t long rest content with mediocrity once they see that excellence is within their reach."

 Really? Those of us who have left are living lives of mediocrity? Is that really what you think of us? We are mediocre and you are excellent? This attitude of superiority is a big part of why we left...do you not see that? You view yourselves as superior to everyone else in the world. Why would anyone really be drawn to you and your church when you look down on everyone who isn't a part of you. Do you really not get it? You sit on your Rameumptom and preach how great you are, and don't understand you are not better than us or the rest of the world. Get over yourselves.

Please understand that there is no one right path. The path we have freely chosen is where we are happy, where we choose to be, where we are free to be us.

 Do not put any more barriers between you and us by attempting to rescue us, seeing us as sinners, frail, weak, lost, mediocre, apathetic, full of fear, or ignorant.

A Letter to fMh

A Letter to fMh

Dear fMh,

I have been following your public stand to fight for equality within the Mormon church over the last few years. I applaud you and your efforts. I support the, 'Wear Pants to Church' day; the 'Let Women Pray in Conference' and the 'Ordain Women'.  While I was still a member, these are all causes I believed in and these are all causes I believe women within the church should have in order to be considered equal partakers with the men.

Each week, I would get together with my Mormon girlfriends and we would talk about these things. We would talk about polygamy and how it bothered us that we were told that we would accept it once we were in the Celestial Kingdom. We would talk about our Mother in Heaven and how we knew nothing about her and felt shamed in church by wanting to have her as an equal part in the discussions with Heavenly Father. We would talk about how we wanted to hold our babies when they were blessed. We would talk about how we wanted the last say over callings in Relief Society or Young Women's or Primary, rather than the men dictating all that to us. We would talk about how we wanted a say over our budgets, and so much more. Yet, every Sunday when we walked across the threshold of the church, our discussions would come to a halt because we knew our voices would not be heard and that complete obedience and compliance was expected.

My crisis of faith became so intense, I began to drag my family around to every ward in the area, thinking that the issues I was having was just within the wards and if I found the right ward, I would be content. After several months of this, I realized how large my crisis of faith really was and I announced to my family that I wanted to attend another Christian faith. My very faithful and patriarchy husband announced that he would not follow me there.

As my crisis grew I talked with the area president and thought he understood, but then my husband talked with him and then a meeting was called with my husband, the bishop, the stake president and the area president all in attendance. I was told that I would be able to tell them about my crisis of faith. As I began, the area president cut me off, told me that this was serving nobody and that all I needed to do was submit to the bishop and my husband.

I was shocked, I just looked at him and said, 'No.' I got up and left the room. This was the beginning of the end for me. I walked away from the church, no longer wanting to be affiliated with a misogynistic organization. I knew the consequences would be great. My marriage dissolved in divorce. My Mormon friends no longer associate with me. My relationship with my extended Mormon family is strained. Yet, I feel a sense of freedom that I could not have anticipated. As a woman, I have discovered that the world does not treat me as a child that cannot make decisions on my own about finances, who I can have as my friends, my own sexuality, what I can and cannot drink, who can be my friends.

I have learned to grow up and make my own decisions and be my own boss. I no longer report to men about my sexual habits, my finances, my church attendance, or what I choose to put in my body.  I learned that it is not their business and I am free to choose for myself and therefore I also own the consequences and I do not report to anyone except myself. This is true freedom and happiness.

I have learned that the church didn't care about my whining, either. Just like the male patriarchy felt they had a right to surround me with four men in suits in my own home and minimize me by telling me my thoughts and feelings didn't matter, the only thing that mattered was submitting to their will, the church patriarchy doesn't care about your causes, either, feminist Mormon housewives. The church is ran by males in power who surround themselves with YES men. They are in charge of billions of dollars. Why would they listen to some women who want change? They have all the power and money and they see no reason to change. You can form all the petitions you want, have all the protests you want, and the church may throw you a bone every once in awhile, like having one while woman pray in one general conference every six months, but real change won't happen. Why?

Because the leadership must be motivated to change. What would motivate them? Only two things:
1. Money
2. Attendance

As long as the women in the church put together their petitions, no real change will happen. Why? Because the women in the church continue to pay tithing and tithing is the backbone that makes the church run. Without the money coming in, the church cannot build its church buildings, its temples, or its City Creek Malls.

As long as the women in the church continue to attend church each week and serve in their callings, the church isn't going to listen to a word you have to say. Why? Because the women in the church are the backbone of making sure the church runs day-to-day. Without the women serving in their callings, no ward would ever have a meal served at an activity, no funeral would ever get food, no bread would ever show up to sacrament meeting, no music would get sung, the Primary would come to a halt, the young women would not get taught, Sunday school would be harmed and there would be no Relief Society. Without you, women, the church could not function. Each ward also get money based on attendance, and if women didn't show up, each ward's budget would be harmed.

Do you want to make an impact, women? Go on strike. For one month, do not pay tithing, do not show up to church, do not fulfill your church callings. Send your children with your husbands.  Let your husbands deal with the unruly children during sacrament. Let the men pick up the load in young women and Sunday school. Let the men scrounge around for bread when it doesn't show up for sacrament.

Strike, women.  If you really want to affect change, STRIKE.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

Words of the Wise

This last week, I attended a fundraiser for mental health. It was a great cause and I was happy to help raise money for it. As my friend and I drank wonderful wine and danced the night away, I couldn't help but look around at all the wonderful people who also were donating their time and money to such a good cause.

I also couldn't help but notice that there were no mormons in attendance. Why? I had to ask, as I already knew the answer. Avoid the appearance of evil, as there was wine and beer being served. Once again, I was sad and angry at the hypocrisy and ignorance exhibited by the mormons once again. Not only were they not here supporting such a good cause, but they simply do not understand current health codes.

There has been significant research done in the last several years on food and drink. When I would attend mormon functions, there were all sorts of food dishes that were brought by mormons, and almost all of them contained sugar. Sugar is one of the most harmful substances. The mormons consume soda, jello, pudding, diet soda, and sugary drinks of all kinds. Sugar deposits in the liver, contains no vitamins or minerals, is deposited as fat in the body, and has other negative health issues:      negative effects of sugar    Consuming sugar and soft drinks has worse consequences on the body that consuming fat: 76 negative dangers of consuming sugar This study is by a world renowned heart surgeon says that inflammation causes heart disease, but what causes inflammation? Simple, high processed carbohydrates:  causes of heart disease

Yet, sugar is the drug of choice of Mormons.

Let's look at coffee. According to this article by WebMD, there are benefits and drawbacks to coffee, but it is according to how much a person drinks, not by abstaining that determines the benefits and drawbacks.  Coffee has benefits in preventing type 2 diabetes.  The antioxidants and nutrients in coffee prevents tissue damage caused by free radicals and helps regulate insulin. Coffee  It counters the effects of heart attacks and stroke, Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's. It lowers the risk of liver cancer. Also, 12 ounces a day has no effect on pregnancy.  The down side is that the caffeine may raise blood pressure, is a mild diuretic, and may increase heartburn.

What about tea? Tea is full of antioxidants, therefore and reduce the risk of cancer, Alzheimer's, type 2 diabetes, and increase bone density. It does contain caffeine and therefore contains the same issues as coffee.  Three cups a day are beneficial:  Tea health benefits of green tea

Wine: There are several benefits to drinking wine; it contains antioxidants, so it lowers your risk or heart disease and raises your levels of good cholesterol.  It can help prevent type 2 diabetes, Alzheimer's, cancer, and tooth decay.  benefits of wine  Of course, with the consumption of any alcohol, there is the risk of drinking to much and becoming addicted.  Wine also helps control blood sugar levels, fight off colds, starve cancer cells, or prevent the growth of fat cells.  wine

When I started to drink coffee and tea and wine, I was surprise by their taste...they weren't sweet! I realized that I was raised on one taste bud...sweet. All the things I had grown to like were sweet. I had to add sweetener or sugar to coffee or tea to even drink them. I remember a mormon telling me it was god's way of telling me they were bad for me. I knew she was wrong, but it took me awhile to figure out what it was, exactly.

As I did research, it occurred to me that sugar was the drug of choice for mormons and how damaging that is for them, and me.  I knew I had to stop my addiction. I researched and discovered how bad sugar is for the body. I lost weight as I stopped eating and drinking so much sugar. I stopped eating processed foods. I started drinking iced teas and adding lemon into my tea instead of fake sugar.

The word of wisdom as contained in the D&C talks about moderation, yet the way the mormons practice it today is of total abstinence from alcohol, tea and coffee. Do they know how it got to be that way? I do, but that is for another day. As a person can tell from the research I have presented, drinking coffee, tea and wine in moderation is good for the body, yet mormon's do not practice moderation, they practice abstinence; yet one more contradiction in their doctrine.

I am learning to like red wines, which are drier and not as sweet as white wines.  It is a process. I cook whole foods instead of processed foods. As I read over the word of wisdom, I even realize that its emphasis on grains was written for a time when people were very active and farmers and they burned a lot of calories. We are a people that sit at desks and our dietary needs have changed,as have the way we buy our food.  Trying to make an 1800 diet fit for a 2000 year technology just doesn't fit.

It's time the mormons change their beliefs.

I know I have and I'm healthier for it.

A Parable

The Bubble People

There lived a community under a bubble. Because the bubble completely covered the community, it kept out natural light and rain, therefore trees, shrubs, grass and flowers failed to grow. The leaders learned over time to plant fake plants. Oh, the fake plants looked real, as long as people didn't get too close and try and touch them and smell them, that is; they just looked pretty but they didn't smell pretty and they weren't soft to the touch. There was fake light, also. The light made skin look yellow and pale. But over time, people forgot what real light and real plants looked like and they adjusted and got used to it.

Because there were no natural trees, the leaders used fake materials to make buildings out of. The walls
 were sterile looking, they were bland looking really, just white, grey and black. They were steal and the
floors echoed when walked on. Each house looked like the next one. There was no individuality. The people didn't seem to mind, however, as they were told by their leaders that it was better for the community for everyone to be the same.  There was security in everyone looking like everyone else and the people were told that this is what it would be like in the afterlife, anyway, so they were preparing for things to be equal in the eternities.  They just ignored the fact that some people had nicer and more expensive homes than others, or more expensive clothes or food than others...some of the women had lace and silk on their clothes while others only had cotton and ratty shoes, but they still believed that all were alike under the bubble.

The leaders made the rules for the people to follow. At first, the rules were simple, but as the people became dependent on the leaders for their food and building material, they also became dependent on them for their emotional support and for the rules to govern all aspects of their lives.  The rules began to govern what they ate, what they did with their time, who they married, when they married, what they did with their leisure time. what their professions should be, what they should wear.

Over time, some people began to rebel, as they started to think for themselves. The leaders didn't like this, as they saw this as a threat to their authority. They told the people to shun the freethinkers.  They told the people that is wasn't good for the people to question the leader's authority or for the people to think for themselves, that it wasn't good for the people have people amongst them that rebelled against the group. The freethinkers were not allowed to attend certain functions with the bubble people like weddings and community meals.

 The freethinkers decided to test the bubble barrier and when they touched it and pushed against it they were amazed to find it fake and they could walk right through it. They took a breath and walk out into the real world.  They took in the fresh breath of oxygen and to their amazement, they didn't die, but in fact their lungs loved the clean, fresh air.  They looked around and discovered all sorts of trees and plants and flowers and grass. There were beautiful colors that they never imagined and natural sunlight that their eyes could behold. They saw the beautiful blue sky and they smelled pine and floral scents and their senses could hardly process it all.

They began to walk around and to their amazement, people talked to them. People would say hello and ask them how they were doing. The people didn't try and kill them like they were told would happen. The people were eating and drinking all sorts of new things that weren't killing them and the freethinkers also partook and to their amazement, they learned to like these new tastes.  They learned that this new world was full of choices and with those choices came consequences, both good and bad, but the freethinkers learned to make wise choices through experience and living and learning.

The freethinkers were so amazed by all they learned, they wanted to share their experiences with the bubble people so they went back to the bubble with enthusiasm to share this new found knowledge. To their amazement, the bubble people, upon hearing their stories, were not happy to hear such news, in fact they accused the freethinkers of making up such things, of being full of hate and anger. The bubble people did not want their safety and security of the bubble changed or threatened.  To the freethinker's amazement, the bubble people liked the safety of not having to make decisions or of being responsible for their choices, even if it came at the cost of blandness, emptiness, shallowness and lies.

There were a few bubble people who chose to follow the freethinkers, and the freethinkers would go back occasionally to try and find new converts for the real world, but they were few and far between.

The freethinkers were happy, however, in their world of color and tastes and choices.

As the Pharisees

I remember so many lessons in church about the Pharisees. They were the leaders in Jesus' time and were very concerned about the outward display of propriety.  They would help the poor, but only when their charitable works were seen of others. They made sure their Sunday piety was seen by others when they fasted, they made sure others saw their drawn out faces and the hunger pains on their faces. They made sure others saw them attend to the strict Sunday observances.

I have to wonder how little things have changed. People in the mormon church are still judged by their outward appearance rather than by the content of their heart. I know many people who have chosen to stop believing in the mormon church, yet they are still wonderful fathers and mothers, wives and husbands. Yet they are accused of not being good people simply because they do not believe in a particular religion. This is very perplexing to me.

They are judged by an outward show of behavior, of whether they drink coffee or alcohol, or if they stop wearing garments, if they choose to have sex outside of marriage.  These behaviors do not define them as a person or determine whether they are a good parent, how much they love their kids, how well they provide for their family, how kind they are to others, how compassionate they are. Yet, these outward displays are easy for others to see and judge them.

It is as the pharisees, an outward display of piety, yet it does not define a person's goodness or moral character. A person can be very good at wearing garments, of attending church, of paying tithing and not drinking coffee and tea; yet they can also cheat their neighbors in business and neglect their children and verbally abuse their spouse in private. Does this make the person a good person; just because they have the outward appearance of piety?

I purpose that a person's moral character is defined not by the outward displays of whether a person wears garments or drinks coffee or alcohol or even attends church, but by the content of their heart. I purpose that a person's moral character is defined by their kindness, their love, their acceptance of people who disagree with them and are different than them.

Just the musings of someone who is rejected by pharisees.

Critical Thinking

I was not taught critical thinking skills in school. I read voraciously and learned to think critically on my own. I have asked educators why these skills are not taught in the high schools and I have yet to hear one reason why.

I have studied these skills the last several years and this is what I have learned.

A critical thinker:
1. Is open-minded and mindful of alternatives
2. Desires to be, and is, well-informed
3. Judges well the credibility of sources
4. Identifies reasons, assumptions, and conclusions
5. Asks appropriate clarifying questions
6. Judges well the quality of an argument, including its reasons, assumptions, evidence, and their degree of support for the conclusion
7. Can well develop and defend a reasonable position regarding a belief or an action, doing justice to challenges
8. Formulates plausible hypotheses
9. Plans and conducts experiments well
10. Defines terms in a way appropriate for the context
11. Draws conclusions when warranted – but with caution
12. Integrates all of the above aspects of critical thinking criticalthinking

Why would a person need to have critical thinking skills? Let's say people are posting all over facebook that the Zombie Apocalypse is coming and they have it on good authority from the prophet Zambo's book of god.  Would you take it for gospel or could you use the above critical thinking skills to determine for yourself if it were worthy of truth?

The first thing a person wants to do is be REFLECTIVE: Do you automatically accept everything that is presented to you? Do you automatically accept everything that you have been taught by an organization, a trusted friend or family member?

The second thing a person wants to do is look at REASONS: What resources do you have where you can verify the information that has been presented to you? Ask questions, such as, 'how do you know' 'what research have you done' 'what are your reasons for this belief' 'Can this be verified in other places' Why do you think that is the only conclusion?

The third thing a person wants to do is look at ALTERNATIVES: Are there possibilities for alternative points of views or hypothesis, or explanations or conclusions?

It has been interesting to watch people apply these principles to their work environment then suspend them when it comes to their religious beliefs. I wonder why...if all things are worthy of scrutiny, then why not people's own personal beliefs? People are often open to scrutinize other peoples' religious beliefs when it comes to them blowing up buildings, but when it comes to something like the Mountain Meadows Massacre, they suspend the same critical thinking skills they just applied and say they have faith.  If they have nothing to fear, then what do they have to lose by the process of critical thought?

We are averse to loss and if we ask critical questions about our faith, we open the door to losing our faith, our belief in an afterlife, our belief in an eternal family. It is safe to not ask these questions rather than subject them to the potential of loss.  risk aversion

Many of us know, as we did lose our marriages, our connections to our extended families and more because we had the courage to ask these questions. Once asked, there is no going back.

Just my thoughts.

Offense

Warning:

This blog is written by a female who expresses opinions...this causes people to be offended.

If you are offended by women expressing opinions, DO NOT READ.

This blogger sometimes swears. If you are offended by the occasional swear word, DO NOT READ.