I took my first psychology class in ninth grade. It transformed my life. I was beyond shy; I was introverted. I learned that I could metaphorically step outside my body and observe my actions--see what I was doing that wasn't working for me, put an action plan together and change my behavior.
I had decided to step outside my comfort zone, to try something that made me uncomfortable. As I did this, I developed a new comfort zone. My comfort zone expanded and my self esteem grew. I began to like myself, even love myself.
I took another psychology class in college. I became fascinated with how the human mind worked; with the studies done on how thoughts influenced behavior. I took courses in behavior modification. My career now in fact is about changing behavior based on motivating the individual.
As I embraced science, I also left behind magical thinking. I could no longer believe my thoughts were the cause of magical beings, but because of chemical reactions in our brains. Chemical imbalances could be fixed and therapies such as cognitive therapy can help change thought processes.
I had been raised in a religion that believed that evil thoughts and actions are caused by an invisible entity. What we learn from science, however, is that group peer pressure and group think can cause good people to conform to do things they normally would not do. It has nothing to do with an invisible spirit.
http://drphil.com/slideshows/slideshow/6019/?id=6019&showID=1529
http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/1529/
http://www.lucifereffect.com/
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Spiritual Experiences Explained
When I was in my late teens, I had a few experiences where I saw and felt a presence that was ghost-like. I am not going to go into details. They happened in the same location. They were frightening. I had a terrible feeling associated with this experience.
Many years later, my children and I also had similar experiences, but always in the same environment. Once we moved, these experiences went away.
I placed these experiences in the realm of being spiritual in nature, as this was my background. I was told that I was being visited by evil spirits because I needed to repent. I didn't necessarily believe this explanation because I couldn't think of a sin large enough to associate with this experience. I was also told that satan wanted to have my soul and was trying to gain access to me. This was a horrifying explanation to me.
As I left a dogmatic/black and white religion behind, this was the last vestige of the religion I could not put behind me, as I did not have a logical, reasonable explanation for. I searched for one, but could not find one. I finally put my mind at ease with the thought that someday science would find an explanation but had not as of yet.
I believe science has found that explantion: The link I had is unavailable. This link is just as good:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eid6fiAj8WY
Many years later, my children and I also had similar experiences, but always in the same environment. Once we moved, these experiences went away.
I placed these experiences in the realm of being spiritual in nature, as this was my background. I was told that I was being visited by evil spirits because I needed to repent. I didn't necessarily believe this explanation because I couldn't think of a sin large enough to associate with this experience. I was also told that satan wanted to have my soul and was trying to gain access to me. This was a horrifying explanation to me.
As I left a dogmatic/black and white religion behind, this was the last vestige of the religion I could not put behind me, as I did not have a logical, reasonable explanation for. I searched for one, but could not find one. I finally put my mind at ease with the thought that someday science would find an explanation but had not as of yet.
I believe science has found that explantion: The link I had is unavailable. This link is just as good:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eid6fiAj8WY
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Finding Peace
My blog has been my safe place over the last few years to express myself.
I am putting a warning on it because some of the information here may be too difficult for some people to ingest. I am trying to be sensitive to those who are having a difficult time with what I post.
Leaving a religion is one of the most difficult things a person can do in their life time. As I put in one of my other posts, it's like stepping off a cliff and not knowing what is below. Are you going to crash and burn or land softly? I landed softly.
It has taken several years and a roller coaster ride, however, to get happy and find peace.
I hope those who read can be happy for me.
I am putting a warning on it because some of the information here may be too difficult for some people to ingest. I am trying to be sensitive to those who are having a difficult time with what I post.
Leaving a religion is one of the most difficult things a person can do in their life time. As I put in one of my other posts, it's like stepping off a cliff and not knowing what is below. Are you going to crash and burn or land softly? I landed softly.
It has taken several years and a roller coaster ride, however, to get happy and find peace.
I hope those who read can be happy for me.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Marriage and Sex
In my mormon marriage, the intimacy between us was lacking, to say the least. The husband stopped holding my hand, caressing me, looking into my eyes when he spoke to me, kissing me, snuggling with me, spooning with me, giving me back rubs, fondling my hair, pulling me into him to hug me, nothing. All of this started waning by the 5th year of marriage. It was completely gone by the 10th year of marriage. The sex was gone by the 15th year.
This link explains part of the problem: http://www.i4m.com/think/sexuality/mormon-depression.htm
This link explains part of the problem: http://www.i4m.com/think/sexuality/mormon-depression.htm
Monday, July 4, 2011
Boundaries
I was raised in a church where, at the age of 12 and every year after that until we were married, we were pulled into a room, alone, with a middle-age man who asked very personal, invasive, private and even voyeuristic questions. These questions, if asked by a stranger on the street (and these men were often strangers to us) would be considered sexual harassment. If these questions were asked by a teacher at school, the teacher would likely be suspended from their job.
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch your breasts?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch your vagina?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch your breasts on top of your clothes?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch you between your legs on top of your clothes?
*Have you ever french kissed?
*Have you ever masturbated?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to penetrate you?
*With his fingers?
*With his penis?
*Have you ever had anal sex?
*Have you ever had oral sex? Have you done it on your partner or been the recipient?
These are all questions I have been asked or my children have been asked.
There are other ways the church has assisted in breaking down boundaries. It allows the visiting teachers to ask its members personal questions about their family life, their marriages and their children. They allow the home teachers to ask personal questions about their church attendance, weather they are reading the scriptures, having prayer, doing their church callings properly, etc. These are all a violation of privacy and personal automony.
Then there are the tithing settlement and the temple recommend interviews each year. In other christian churches, making tithing donations is anonymous and how much is paid is between the individual person and their god. In the mormon church, they are held accountable to the bishop yearly. If they are not paying 10% of their income, they are not allowed to enter the temple, and it is only by their doctrine, if you do not enter the temple, you cannot make it to the mormon heaven. You are also asked by the bishop about your underwear, if you wear the mormon underwear both day and night and having sex with only your spouse.
There are no boundaries in this church.
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch your breasts?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch your vagina?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch your breasts on top of your clothes?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to touch you between your legs on top of your clothes?
*Have you ever french kissed?
*Have you ever masturbated?
*Have you ever allowed a boy to penetrate you?
*With his fingers?
*With his penis?
*Have you ever had anal sex?
*Have you ever had oral sex? Have you done it on your partner or been the recipient?
These are all questions I have been asked or my children have been asked.
There are other ways the church has assisted in breaking down boundaries. It allows the visiting teachers to ask its members personal questions about their family life, their marriages and their children. They allow the home teachers to ask personal questions about their church attendance, weather they are reading the scriptures, having prayer, doing their church callings properly, etc. These are all a violation of privacy and personal automony.
Then there are the tithing settlement and the temple recommend interviews each year. In other christian churches, making tithing donations is anonymous and how much is paid is between the individual person and their god. In the mormon church, they are held accountable to the bishop yearly. If they are not paying 10% of their income, they are not allowed to enter the temple, and it is only by their doctrine, if you do not enter the temple, you cannot make it to the mormon heaven. You are also asked by the bishop about your underwear, if you wear the mormon underwear both day and night and having sex with only your spouse.
There are no boundaries in this church.
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